My "translation" of Schleicher's Fable (it's not a proper translation btw)

[Jonlang]

How does my "translation" of Schleicher's Fable look?
I've given an English version of the Fable (from Wikipedia), then a linguistic gloss version of how it will translate into my conlang, followed by an English approximation of the conlang (for reference); this is due to my conlang currently lacking the vocabulary for a proper translation which I will work on when I get more time, maybe next week if I get the time. I've never made a conlang with cases and so this one has been more of a learning curve than my other conlang; so feedback and the inevitable "wtf have you done that?" would be appreciated.

A few things to note: (1) the language uses the partitive and accusative cases to mark telicity, a bit like Finnish. The object in the partitive means the action is incomplete, ongoing, or its completeness is unknown; the accusative marks a completed action: e.g. I drink.PST water.PTV = I drank (some of) the water; I drink.PST water.ACC = I drank (all of) the water, etc. However one.NUM noun.PTV means "one of noun" (2) "my, our, your" etc is a suffix on the possessed noun which I gloss as noun-our.CASE. (3) in case it isn't clear: .GNO means 'gnomic aspect' - a tenseless aspect used for general truths,or when there is no reference to a specific tense etc. (4) the general word order is SOV, adj-noun, though with participles these look SVO if you think of the participle as a verby thing.

Schleicher's Fable

‘A sheep that had no wool saw horses, one of them pulling a heavy wagon, one carrying a big load, and one carrying a man quickly. The sheep said to the horses: "My heart pains me, seeing a man driving horses." The horses said: "Listen, sheep, our hearts pain us when we see this: a man, the master, makes the wool of the sheep into a warm garment for himself. And the sheep has no wool." Having heard this, the sheep fled into the plain.’

wool-less.ADJ.SG sheep.NOM.SG horse.PL.ACC see.SG.PST, one.NUM them.PTV pull.APTCP heavy.SG wagon.PTV, one.NUM carry.APTCP big.SG load.PTV, and.CONJ one.NUM carry.APTCP man.PTV quickly.ADV. Sheep.SG.NOM horse.PL.DAT say.SG.PST: “heart-my.DAT pain.SG.GNO, see.GER man.NOM drive.APTCP horses.PTV.” horse.PL.NOM say.PL.PST: “listen.IMP sheep.SG.NOM, heart.PL-our.DAT pain.SG.GNO when this we see.GNO: man.SG.NOM, master.SG.NOM, wool.ACC sheep.SG.GEN warm.SG garment.ALL himself.DAT make.GNO. And sheep.SG.NOM wool.ACC no.NEG have.GNO.” Hear.PRFPTCP this, sheep.NOM plain.ALL flee.PST.SG

(a) wool-less sheep horses saw, one (of) them pulling (a) heavy wagon, one carrying (a) big load, and one carrying (a) man quickly. (The) sheep (to) (the) horses said: “(it) my heart pains, seeing (a) man driving horses.” (The) horses said: Listen, sheep, (it) our hearts pains when this we see: (a) man, (the) master, (the) wool of (the) sheep into (a) garment for himself makes. And (the) sheep wool not has.” Having heard this, (the) sheep (in)to the plain ran.

[äreo]

This is a great idea! It's a good alternative to forcing a quick coining of the needed words and case affixes.

If you're really interested in jacking up the cases, you could parse "wool-less" as an abessive case form rather than an adjective.