Venting thread

[Raphael]

I seem to have mislaid some fairly important documents.

Update: Found 'em!

[zompist]

Observing horrible attitudes in someone you care about a lot must be really tough. Commiserations.

She thinks activists for trans women are trying to tell her and other cis women how they should feel about what they think is an infringement on their spaces.
And she cites specific examples of this infringement.

Also says that lesbians are only lesbians if they are attracted to cis women.

My condolences, dealing with this nonsense is hard.

FWIW there's by now a well-documented TERF-to-right-wing pipelilne. They start with mild transphobia and end up literally accusing each other of being men.

It's hard being exposed to all this vitriol. You don't have to sit there and listen though, and it's not on you to convince her.

Some of what you report, like that bit about lesbians, or about XY women, is... um... highly irrational.

[Ahzoh]

Some of what you report, like that bit about lesbians, or about XY women, is... um... highly irrational.

Well yes, my mom's position is purely emotion-based, which she claims is couched in an understanding of biology and psychology, having taken psychology and biology courses in university and all that. But then she literally sits here and tell me there's an unknown and unspecified cabal of trans activists, who apparently have a lot of power and influence to affect laws and policies, to "erase women" or the "definition of women", she's like "no longer can I just call myself a woman or a mother, now it's 'people with uteruses' or 'birthing person'"

Like I can't reason with someone who thinks her entire identity as a woman is being erased and that transwomen are just a bunch of ex-men who just want to barge into the sanctity of women's spaces that women have fought so hard to create and preserve. Conversely, she thinks many trans people are actually transtrenders.

Did I mention she likes JK Rowling and think that she's innocent of the label of TERF?

[Man in Space]

Spotify is discontinuing Car Thing. I’ll have to jailbreak it.

[doctor shark]

What was supposed to be a nine-ish hour train trip today ended up being over 12. Yay for Deutsche Bahn.

[Raphael]

What was supposed to be a nine-ish hour train trip today ended up being over 12. Yay for Deutsche Bahn.

Sorry! May I ask from where to where?

[doctor shark]

What was supposed to be a nine-ish hour train trip today ended up being over 12. Yay for Deutsche Bahn.

Sorry! May I ask from where to where?

From Freiburg im Üechtland/Fribourg to Arnhem! (Via Bern, Basel, Mannheim, Duisburg, Oberhausen, and then an Ersatzverkehr replacement bus from Oberhausen to Arnhem...)

[Raphael]

What was supposed to be a nine-ish hour train trip today ended up being over 12. Yay for Deutsche Bahn.

Sorry! May I ask from where to where?

From Freiburg im Üechtland/Fribourg to Arnhem! (Via Bern, Basel, Mannheim, Duisburg, Oberhausen, and then an Ersatzverkehr replacement bus from Oberhausen to Arnhem...)

Yeah, that kind of thing is extremely annoying, to say the least.

That said, as much as people who use railway networks like to complain about them, I'm not sure if having railways work as seamlessly as many people seem to think they should work is even possible. A large up-and-running railway network might well, by its very nature, be like a software system where every bug inevitably leads to some kind of breakdown, so that the only way to avoid breakdowns is to never have any bugs in the first place, which is, of course, impossible.

Of course that's not much comfort if you're three hours late.

[WeepingElf]

Sorry! May I ask from where to where?

From Freiburg im Üechtland/Fribourg to Arnhem! (Via Bern, Basel, Mannheim, Duisburg, Oberhausen, and then an Ersatzverkehr replacement bus from Oberhausen to Arnhem...)

Yeah, that kind of thing is extremely annoying, to say the least.

That said, as much as people who use railway networks like to complain about them, I'm not sure if having railways work as seamlessly as many people seem to think they should work is even possible. A large up-and-running railway network might well, by its very nature, be like a software system where every bug inevitably leads to some kind of breakdown, so that the only way to avoid breakdowns is to never have any bugs in the first place, which is, of course, impossible.

Of course that's not much comfort if you're three hours late.

Concurred. My own experience with rail travel in Germany is that most trips were convenient and without significant problems, but sometimes you draw the Queen of Spades. There is certainly room for improvement (I have been told that it works better in Switzerland, also in Japan which, however, has the advantage of being an island country with no cross-border connections), but one has to concede that such a complex system can't always work without problems. The alternative is travel by car, which is more stressful even when it works smoothly, and it often doesn't, either.

[xxx]

I was in Bavaria last month,
to see my daughter,
and despite the motorways with no speed limits,
it's not as fast as in France...

[doctor shark]

From Freiburg im Üechtland/Fribourg to Arnhem! (Via Bern, Basel, Mannheim, Duisburg, Oberhausen, and then an Ersatzverkehr replacement bus from Oberhausen to Arnhem...)

Yeah, that kind of thing is extremely annoying, to say the least.

That said, as much as people who use railway networks like to complain about them, I'm not sure if having railways work as seamlessly as many people seem to think they should work is even possible. A large up-and-running railway network might well, by its very nature, be like a software system where every bug inevitably leads to some kind of breakdown, so that the only way to avoid breakdowns is to never have any bugs in the first place, which is, of course, impossible.

Of course that's not much comfort if you're three hours late.

Concurred. My own experience with rail travel in Germany is that most trips were convenient and without significant problems, but sometimes you draw the Queen of Spades. There is certainly room for improvement (I have been told that it works better in Switzerland, also in Japan which, however, has the advantage of being an island country with no cross-border connections), but one has to concede that such a complex system can't always work without problems. The alternative is travel by car, which is more stressful even when it works smoothly, and it often doesn't, either.

My recent experiences are that there are some railway lines that give more trouble than others (e.g. Oberhausen–Arnhem), but in general it's not been as smooth as, say, my experiences with train travel in France and Switzerland. It's true that it's a complex system (and any train networks are often very complex), but somehow the French system works with fewer snarls, it feels, as long as there aren't strikes.
But the big problem with the German system as of late (I notice) is perhaps more that there are often knock-on effects and not very good communication of the delays. I didn't know of the Oberhausen–Arnhem issue until I got to Duisburg, and I'd already checked on the Basel–Mannheim ICE to see if there were issues (and it appeared there weren't)... nor was it apparent there'd be the hour delay in Mannheim until I got off the train and saw "Verspätung 60 Minuten", and, naturally, I pulled into Duisburg just as the next train I needed was pulling out of the station. And the thing is that, had I known there'd be that issue, there was another train option I could've taken from Düsseldorf via Venlo that would've gotten me to Arnhem much more quickly!
Still prefer trains to driving, when possible, but the price and convenience aren't working in their favor anymore...

[malloc]

Just feeling really depressed recently about all the crises facing the world these days. It seems every time I read the news, another far right populist has won an election, another massacre has killed thousands, and so much more. It has become obvious to me that humanity will not avert global warming, that fascism will take over the world, and billions, if not everyone, will die horribly in the coming decades. Everyone has suddenly turned against ethnic minorities and LGBT people, democracy and expertise, convinced of outlandish conspiracies against them.

Aside from that, I have nothing to amuse or distract me from this horror show. My favorite restaurant has disappeared, the local library has remarkably few books, and so forth. I have no friends in real life nor any idea where to find like-minded people.

[keenir]

sorry to hear about your library and favorite restaurant. thats never enjoyable, either one.

Just feeling really depressed recently about all the crises facing the world these days. It seems every time I read the news, another far right populist has won an election, another massacre has killed thousands, and so much more.

I think I missed hearing about the latest massacre(s).

It has become obvious to me that humanity will not avert global warming, that fascism will take over the world, and billions, if not everyone, will die horribly in the coming decades.

we all keep thinking this...and its barely happening piecemeal. where is SkyNet when we need it to rein in humanity's darker impulses?

Everyone has suddenly turned against

not suddenly - maybe repeatedly or still. (sorry; not sure that helps as much as i thought it might)

nor any idea where to find like-minded people.

ZBB

[Ares Land]

I don't think there's any rail system without issues. Except, supposedly, Japan, but I tend to be skeptical of tall tales about conveniently distant foreign countries.

That being said, in my experience the German train system is somewhat less reliable than France's. My experiences are about similar to doctor shark's. For some reason, something inconvenient always seems to happen in Mannheim. It's the Bermuda Triangle of German rail.

I prefer the French rail system, but it has its annoyances. The trains are less comfortable; TGVs feel very cramped compared to ICEs. It's also increasingly expensive. There's a kind of low-cost service, where the seats are even more cramp and made of some horrid purple plastic, to punish you for being poor I suppose? but even then travelling by car is almost always cheaper these days.
The train system is very centralized, which means going from Paris to any other city is relatively easy, but any other kind of trip involves an inconvenient change of trains (usually, you'll have to cross Paris by subway to get from one station to another.)

Aside from that, I have nothing to amuse or distract me from this horror show. My favorite restaurant has disappeared, the local library has remarkably few books, and so forth. I have no friends in real life nor any idea where to find like-minded people.

Sorry to hear about that. I hope things get better somehow.

[doctor shark]

I don't think there's any rail system without issues. Except, supposedly, Japan, but I tend to be skeptical of tall tales about conveniently distant foreign countries.

That being said, in my experience the German train system is somewhat less reliable than France's. My experiences are about similar to doctor shark's. For some reason, something inconvenient always seems to happen in Mannheim. It's the Bermuda Triangle of German rail.

I prefer the French rail system, but it has its annoyances. The trains are less comfortable; TGVs feel very cramped compared to ICEs. It's also increasingly expensive. There's a kind of low-cost service, where the seats are even more cramp and made of some horrid purple plastic, to punish you for being poor I suppose? but even then travelling by car is almost always cheaper these days.
The train system is very centralized, which means going from Paris to any other city is relatively easy, but any other kind of trip involves an inconvenient change of trains (usually, you'll have to cross Paris by subway to get from one station to another.)

For me, anymore, in Germany, Koblenz, Mannheim, and Oberhausen all are where "fun" things happen.

And echoed about the French system: it's great when they're not on strike, but it's extremely pricey anymore, and the radial system from Paris means either (a) you connect through Paris or (b) suffer. And even then, when I visit my friends in Clermont-Ferrand, there is no TGV connection, but the tickets are still super-pricey!

Japan's system, in my experience, runs extremely well, but it's even more expensive than in France. The 2-hour TGV between Paris and Luxembourg was about €80 max when I lived there, while the 2-hour Kyoto–Tokyo shinkansen ran me about €120! And the local trains are fine, but slow, so...

[xxx]

the reign of arbitrariness has made its nest in the French railway system too,
between the extreme variability (especially upward) controlled by computer,
making money,
far from the price per kilometer,
and the agents obliged to behave like robots,
when they have not been replaced by them,
or distributing fines to those who have a face to pay them on the trains
which can be reimbursed at the station...

the car seems more comfortable,
so we add the obligation to connect it very regularly to a terminal,
making money,
so as not to stray too far from your home...

like communications between peoples,
after the era of colonization generated by left-wing ideals,
the repatriation of ex-colonized people to the country of their ex-colonizers
to allow exploitation shameless of their country and pleasure trips overseas,
making money,
now the peoples sent against each other clash,
and would like a return to the worlds before,
each wanting a home to develop one's own culture...

or even sex, something deliciously hidden that we practiced in our own way,
now we must display it, suppress our fantasies to make them genders,
making money,
and oppose our own to others until no one can tolerate that from others...

but you have to look at it from above,
it's just a bad time to go through,
after having put back into the atmosphere in a hundred years,
the energy that had been stored there by millions of years,
making money,
we should find the world before the Carboniferous,
and probably freed of the human vermin that it had generated,
as at the time, ready to start all over again...

[Linguoboy]

Late Saturday night I had to be the bad guy and ask someone to leave a room he wasn't invited into and Sunday morning I woke up with a fever that kept me home the next couple of days. In the meantime, I ignored this guy's messages so he went and spammed everyone he knew who was there about what happened and they all basically responded with "Dude, what's your problem?" In short, he discovered that what he thought was a friend group was really just a circle of guys too "nice" to tell him to scram. But his response to this is to reach out and ask us to meet him and talk about how he could do better, which is something that not a one of us is interested in. Do we want him to be more socially ept? Absolutely, since Chicago is a small city and we're likely to keep running into him. Do any of us want to spend a bit of our valuable time helping him achieve this? Honestly, no. But I'm concerned if we all say this then he'll continue to spiral and who knows where he might end up.

[xxx]

some are better than others in terms of social skills,
but if they really are, they will know how to share them...

[Ares Land]

Late Saturday night I had to be the bad guy and ask someone to leave a room he wasn't invited into and Sunday morning I woke up with a fever that kept me home the next couple of days. In the meantime, I ignored this guy's messages so he went and spammed everyone he knew who was there about what happened and they all basically responded with "Dude, what's your problem?" In short, he discovered that what he thought was a friend group was really just a circle of guys too "nice" to tell him to scram. But his response to this is to reach out and ask us to meet him and talk about how he could do better, which is something that not a one of us is interested in. Do we want him to be more socially ept? Absolutely, since Chicago is a small city and we're likely to keep running into him. Do any of us want to spend a bit of our valuable time helping him achieve this? Honestly, no. But I'm concerned if we all say this then he'll continue to spiral and who knows where he might end up.

Is he genuinely interested in improving? I ask this because it's rarely the case. And if he isn't, that kind of takes care of the dilemma.
Also, is any of you really able to get him to improve? I wouldn't really feel able to do that sort of thing myself.

[Linguoboy]

Is he genuinely interested in improving? I ask this because it's rarely the case. And if he isn't, that kind of takes care of the dilemma.

I think he is. That more pertinent question, however, is is he capable of improving, and that's much harder to answer in the affirmative.

Today, for instance, he messaged me to say "While I’m keeping my distance for the time being, I really wanted you to at least read this" and then linked to a post he made about a his issues. And I had to explain to him that sending someone a post to read is not actually "keeping your distance", which genuinely seemed to come as new information to him. In short, he just doesn't grok personal boundaries, which explains a lot of the behaviour we've been reacting to.

Also, is any of you really able to get him to improve? I wouldn't really feel able to do that sort of thing myself.

It's emphatically not my job. As one of our mutual acquaintances said, "We're not on this journey with him," and unfortunately he still doesn't quite realise that.