Some confusing headlines (etc) of yesteryear

[Salmoneus]

I thought I'd take the opportunity to revive some of our 7 years of past confusing headlines for the new board (I'd forgotten, unfortunately, that the original thread had been lost, but never mind). These are just a selection of my own favourites...

Queen makes historic Ireland trip (Beeb, via Radius)
Science fingers natural bullies (cracked.com, via Rui)
Policeman suspended over lap-dance (unknown, via HandsomeRob)
Transgenic grass skirts regulators (unknown via languagelog via Linguoboy)
UBS rogue loss hammers risk efforts, new risk boss. (Reuters via LB)
Newlyweds face mounting problems (apocryphal? via marconatrix)
Report on Wyoming water doesn't end fracking debate (sfgate.com via Bob Johnson; admittedly, as fracking becomes more common and Battlestar Galactica becomes less common, this rather loses its sting)
Michele Bachman asked to drop out of debate (unknown via Rui)
Lesbian vampire killer set to be released from jail (daily mail via Jashan)
Police court order Dotwrong (nzherald via Bob Johnson)
Analysis: China currency move nails hard landing risk coffin. (unknown via Viktor)
Manaf Tlass's father and brother, Firas, who is a leading businessman, are believed to be out of the country. ("Joseph Landis" vis LB)
Slough sausage choke baby death woman jailed (beeb via Soren)
US mourns Batman shooting victims (unknown via LB)
China Ferrari sex orgy death crash (Dublin's Metro Herald via Bob Johnson)
Cash-Poor Sharp Mortgages Display Factories (itworld.com via B.J.)
Drive to Ban Horse Whipping Mushrooms (legendary headline from the Dominion Post, via me)
Fish foot spa virus bombshell (Sun via LL via LB)
There is a great awareness campaign for men abused as boys using guitars. 1bluestring.org (Unknown on twitter, via zompist)
Manufacturing Data Helps Invigorate Wall Street (New York Times, via Radius)
Unlikely Assault Weapons Ban Get Senate Airing (unknown, via H.R.)
Killed woman impersonator sentenced (unknown via me)
Mr Rafsanjani did not comment, but his supporters denounced the decision to exclude him on social media (ibid)
Judge to rape victim: Some women enjoy being raped (unknown via Astraios)
England wait too long for Cole. (unknown via me)
Obama defends surveillance programs in San Jose ("those outside San Jose, however, were indefensible", says LB on unknown source)
Tintoretto discovered in National Gallery (unknown via me)
Simon Cowell egged on Britain's Got Talent (Drudge via linguifex)
Doctors take a long shot and inject HIV into dying girl (unknown via Astraios)
Pull Your Pants Up
Or Don't Come In
No one wants to see your underwear
*Does not apply to children under 3 years of age (photo by LB)
China awards labour camp mother (BBC via LB)
'Badger was fox' lie Cumbria men's convictions upheld (beeb via Jal)
Dubai jails rape woman (unknown via me)
BBC radio stations hit record Rajars (ibid)
Doreen Lawrence pledges to condemn 'racial profiling' spot checks in the House of Lords (ibid)
Saville float group issue apology (ibid)
Teenager critical after stabbing (ibid - but you see this one every month on the beeb)
Police shoot, kill woman with butcher's knife (nbcchicago.com via LB)
Cyprus man not missing Ben Needham (unknown via me)


More to follow...

[zompist]

Not lost, just unavailable for now. Other projects are in the way, but parsing the old board data will happen later on...

[Salmoneus]

Not lost, just unavailable for now. Other projects are in the way, but parsing the old board data will happen later on...

No, the original thread was lost, because it was in ephemera at least seven years ago. These are in the replacement thread in NOTA. [but I think the original was only briefly in existence, so...]

[zompist]

Ah, OK! Good to preserve them, then. I love confusing headlines.

[Linguoboy]

You must be starting at the beginning, Sal, because I don't remember most of these. Some of them gave me belly laughs, so thanks for that.

[Salmoneus]

Foot Heads Arms Body (unknown (apocryphal?) via Rhetorica)
Giant wind farm dropped by developer (unknown via me)
"Anyone in the UK who went to bed with Root and Carberry together, might wake up with them back together again soon. But they can do it both ways from here." (Test Match Special commentary via me)
Does kidding usually have twins. (unknown (apocryphal?) via Astraios)
"She is getting married for the third time this month." (spotted by acquaintance of LB)
Cameron Diaz Encourages Women to Keep Their Pubic Hair in Her New Book (unknown via LB, thank you!)
Bitcoin exchange files for bankruptcy (unknown via LB)
Mets Blow a Save and Fan 18 Times in Opening Loss (unknown via languagelog via LB... *mind goggles*)
Police make Syria appeal to UK women. (beeb via dhok)
Scot already in Spurs' bad books over TWO red cards and a pair of separate nasty fouls on Bale crocked the Brazilian in December (ukn via me)
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Suspends Campaign to Seek Help (ukn by Zompist)
War between two axes (ukn by me (not actually a headline iirc but noun phrase found in the body of an article)).
Listen for huffing and puffing, says Ellie Dixon-Jackson, 33, who is eight months pregnant and lives in Manchester, because your internal organs get a bit squashed. (ukn via me)
Gandhi resignation offers rejected (beeb via Risla)
World Cup ban fans hand in passports (ukn via me)
Crazy World Cup Sex Rules (Fox News via twitter via Zompist)
UKIP Bullies Stop-Homophobia (uknown via unknown (Ils?))
Academics 'Yes' vote research fears (ukn via LB)
Feltz slams 'vile' Rolf claims abuse (ukn via me)
Metropolitan police officer denies helping uninsured flirt (unkn via me)
I welcome President Obama's pledge to help the Iraqi government tackle this crisis and get aid to those fleeing ISIL terrorists. (David Cameron, via LB)
Janay Rice blames the media for feeling embarrassed and hurt after a video was leaked showing the NFL star punching her in a lift (beeb via LB)
How do those 7,000 miles from home feel about the referendum? (ukn via me)
Exploding pavement growth probed (ukn via me)
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford withdraws from race with tumour (ukn via LB; and congratulations to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for having TWO absurd campaign-related headlines on this list!)
3rd U.S. Aid Worker Infected With Ebola Released From Hospital (ukn via LB)
Hong Kong Leader Blames External Forces for Joining Protests (npr.org via Arzena)
Apple’s Cook Criticizes Alabama Over Lack of Gay Rights (unknown via unknown)
British chicken skin on legs (packet of food, via me)
Born in Varstu, Võrumaa, Estonia in 1944 Helk was mobilized in the German army and was forced to go to Germany. From there he went to Denmark, where he in 1947 attended the University of Århus (wikipedia entry for Vello Helk, via LB)
Guy spent one year crafting one second of this crazy animation per day (ukn via LB)
This Guy Has Been Tattooing His Son's Drawings On His Own Arm Since He Was 5 (ibid)
Twitter boss admits trolling failure. (the beeb, ganging up on the failure, via me)
Rolling football news (no it isn't! ukn via me)
Wanted Caerphilly Facebook police taunt man arrested (ibid)
Victim's video helps jail rapist (beeb via me)
Events mark end of WW2 in Europe (ukn, in 2015, via LB)
CT High School Slut Shames Students Over "Inappropriate" Prom Dresses (Good for her! ukn via languagelog via LB)
Well ideally you could stop being pointlessly unpleasant in every thread, but I guess I may have to take what I can get. (Me committing a garden path, while moderating the garden path thread, via LB)
Need someone to check my Spanish lyrics for English songs (unknown on forum (maybe thry, from context?) via me)
Violinist linked to JAL crash blossoms (a crash blossom from an unknown source reported by Bristel (sadly, not by jal))
Ohio state scores big wide receiver commitment (ukn via me)
Federal government websites back up after cyberattack (ukn via Kereb)
Obama wants KKK to be forced to name its members and supporters after Charleston church massacre (ukn via Thry)
Wrestling coach says she was told she can't have baby on Fargodome floor (inforum.com via Theta)
Van strapped in car boot on tow (beeb via me)
Riders not just wearing ice-vests to warm up, but also on their way to the start. It's that hot. (ukn cycling site via me)
Janner summoned to court for hearing over 15 child abuse allegations (beeb via me)
Cecil the lion killer is a good man (ibid)
Air Accident investigators are investigating why the plane crashed, seen here at North Weald, in Essex, last month, (yes, the original photo caption ended with a comma; ibid)
Francis’ annulment changes stress prompt decisions, power of local bishops (National Catholic Reporter via me)
Boy with clock thought to be bomb held by police (ibid)
Homemade clock boy quits texas school (ibid, and indeed the same boy... I guess it's easy to mistake a boy with a clock for a bomb when he's actually a homemade clock boy.)
Hackers Took Fingerprints of 5.6 Million US Workers, Government Says (ukn via LB)
PRIVATE
DOGS
NOT ALLOWED (ukn via LB)
Darin, Camera take actor for ‘Truman,’ Ariosa (“’The King of Havana’) actress and Joachim Lafosse (‘White Knights’) director (variety)


More to follow...

[Ryusenshi]

My favourite of them all:

British Left Waffles on Falklands (apparently The Guardian in 1982)

[Pabappa]

Do we know if by "left" they mean left(-wing) or lieutenant? I had assumed the latter when I saw that headline some years ago, but most people seem to say that in this case , left is just left.

[Salmoneus]

Do we know if by "left" they mean left(-wing) or lieutenant? I had assumed the latter when I saw that headline some years ago, but most people seem to say that in this case , left is just left.

So far as I'm away "left" as an abbreviation of "lieutenant" is not actually a word. I mean, it may be that some soldiers have used it as a word from time to time, but not frequently enough to make it to either my consciousness or wiktionary. Certainly not to newspaper headlines.