Venting thread

[Travis B.]

Hoping for the best!

[Linguoboy]

Thanks, everyone. Still nothing even though my flatmate, who got tested at exactly the same place and time, got his results a day ago. I asked him (since he had a medical background) if he thought it was more likely they were double-checking the sample to confirm a positive or if it was lost/spoiled and he said even odds for each.

[Man in Space]

This is NSFW. If this is too NSFW for the board, mods, feel free to remove this, but I feel I have to get it out somewhere, and telling my parents is a non-starter. (Telling my therapist is also likely a non-starter until we switch back to in-person sessions because I am afraid the walls here have ears.)

More: show

Why is it so fucking hard to get castrated in this country? It seems like the only gateway for it is if you want to transition. I don't (I only want a bilateral orchiectomy—no penectomy); I want no sex drive, and ultimately, surgery is cheaper than medication in the long run.

I'm 29 years old, will be 30 by EOY, and I've had a grand total of one girlfriend, which lasted two and a half weeks and she turned out to be psycho. This after over a decade and a half of getting rejected when I actually got the stones to ask a woman out (my ex approached me, not the other way around). The endgame was always marriage, and due to my religious views I am one of those save-yourself-until-marriage types, but at this point I feel like I've missed the bus and am, for lack of a better term, past my expiration date in that I have basically zero idea of how to navigate the waters of relationships. There's also the whole trope of wanting to avoid "settling", whatever that is, or marrying the first person who shows any interest in me, for the altogether wrong reasons.

I am aware that no one owes me companionship, or much of anything in general, but the constant failures are weighing on me and I'm not getting any younger. My sex drive is a major drag—and this with me being on SSRIs already, which supposedly kills the libido some, so one can only imagine how hypersexual I must have to be by default—and I just want it to end. I have to conclude that there is some sort of problem with me, myself, and I think the best way forward is to remove the desire rather than agonize over it.

[Ares Land]

Aw, man, I'm sorry you feel that way. I really don't feel confident to say much, except that there's no such thing as an expiration date, as relationships go.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

Much the same. I think being able to tell your therapist in person and have them advise will help a lot. I do hope you can get to feeling better, though, unhelpful platitude though it is.

[linguistcat]

About the subsection of the post involving meds but also nsfw:

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SSRIs affect different people differently. Most people on SSRIs will lose some amount of their libido. Mine actually increased. Which being asexual, was frustrating to say the least. But that's to say, just because you find your libido is high on the meds, doesn't mean that it would be higher otherwise. You cannot know that unless you were to get off them.

Granted, I do think that people should be allowed to do as they wish with their bodies, with informed consent and having tried counseling around the issue first. However, I think one reason doctors prefer that people be transitioning or having other medical issues to get the testicles removed is because you would have to take hormones for your continued health. Either testosterone and other androgens, which makes it moot in your case, or estrogen which I'm assuming you don't want. Something to look into might be a low dosage of testosterone blockers, which would make some of your natural androgens unusable by your body.

[malloc]

One of the side pieces on my glasses broke off and now I have bare metal digging into my temple. Not sure what I should do since these glasses are only several months old. It seems absurd and impractical to get another eye exam and new glasses so soon.

[Travis B.]

One of the side pieces on my glasses broke off and now I have bare metal digging into my temple. Not sure what I should do since these glasses are only several months old. It seems absurd and impractical to get another eye exam and new glasses so soon.

You can always buy new frames without buying new lenses.

[malloc]

It's bad enough that I have a checkup this week that will likely diagnose my dizziness and gynecomastia as symptoms of something terminal or at least extremely complicated to treat. I really did not need the hassle and expense of buying new glasses, or even new frames, on top of that.

[Man in Space]

One of the side pieces on my glasses broke off and now I have bare metal digging into my temple. Not sure what I should do since these glasses are only several months old. It seems absurd and impractical to get another eye exam and new glasses so soon.

My local eyeglass place defaults to giving you a warranty on both frames and lenses. Perhaps where you got yours has a similar policy? It’d be worth a shot to check out, at any rate.

[MacAnDàil]

@Man in Space: You have certainly not missed the bus. I've been with my current girlfriend for the past two years and a month and it's going fine. We got together when I was your age. I have maybe been a bit too scared of being alone in the past, maybe a bit desperate even, but things are going fine now.

In any case, I don't think that idea would resolve your problems as, even without a sex drive, you'd still have a companionship drive. I suggest that practice, more detailed idea of what you want, better skills, especially communication skills, better health, and confidence / charisma could all help, but I don't know the rest of your particular circumstances.

@malloc: Is it really likely? Or is that jumping to a nightmare scenario? Pessimism is often judged realistic but it's often unrealistic as it often imagines horrible scenarios which, while not necessarily impossible, are highly unlikely and are, above all, as of yet unproven. Going into with a 'wait and see', 'listen and learn' mindset would be more appropriate.

[malloc]

@malloc: Is it really likely? Or is that jumping to a nightmare scenario? Pessimism is often judged realistic but it's often unrealistic as it often imagines horrible scenarios which, while not necessarily impossible, are highly unlikely and are, above all, as of yet unproven. Going into with a 'wait and see', 'listen and learn' mindset would be more appropriate.

We shall see since the appointment is tomorrow. Apart from that, I am utterly stumped about how to fix my glasses. It seems obvious that I need to purchase a replacement rubber cap for the left arg, but I hardly know where to find that. There are numerous brands and styles of glasses, each with its own specific components. I would need to know the exact brand and part number and so forth to order a replacement.

[rotting bones]

Referring to something from way back: Thanks, everyone.

[alice]

Apart from that, I am utterly stumped about how to fix my glasses. It seems obvious that I need to purchase a replacement rubber cap for the left arg, but I hardly know where to find that. There are numerous brands and styles of glasses, each with its own specific components. I would need to know the exact brand and part number and so forth to order a replacement.

Sounds like something any decent opticial or optometrist should be able to help you with. Or do these things not work like that in the USA?

[zompist]

Apart from that, I am utterly stumped about how to fix my glasses. It seems obvious that I need to purchase a replacement rubber cap for the left arg, but I hardly know where to find that. There are numerous brands and styles of glasses, each with its own specific components. I would need to know the exact brand and part number and so forth to order a replacement.

What you do is, you haul your ass over to the store that provided the frames, tell them they broke, and ask them to fix or replace them.

Bring your receipt. Very likely you have some kind of warranty. Frame shops are often pretty good about minor repairs: they'd like to get your business next time you need glasses.

If for some reason they don't want to help, what you want is an eyeglass repair shop. In this modern world of today, Googling "eyeglass repair" and your location will tell you where the shops are.

[doctor shark]

Minor: I'm feeling pulled by so many external factors and really am having difficulties trying to focus on things. There are three (!) papers from my Luxembourg work that my previous boss is trying to blitz out for publication due to a student defending in two months' time (and this student needing those papers for his thesis!)... which is frustrating, because you neglect the student for how long (four years) and are now turning this into an emergency that the rest of the co-authors have to respond to?

I also told them this week would be crazy, because I have a grant rebuttal due on Monday (which I'm having a lot of difficulty writing, for some reason, maybe because of these distractions, but the feedback was quite strange in some respects) and in vivo experiments this week, and this on top of an article I want to submit from my work here...

I think I need a vacation or some extended break, because I really haven't gotten to take one in quite a while... actually, about a year and a half, come to think of it.

[malloc]

What you do is, you haul your ass over to the store that provided the frames, tell them they broke, and ask them to fix or replace them.

Bring your receipt. Very likely you have some kind of warranty. Frame shops are often pretty good about minor repairs: they'd like to get your business next time you need glasses.

If for some reason they don't want to help, what you want is an eyeglass repair shop. In this modern world of today, Googling "eyeglass repair" and your location will tell you where the shops are.

I can tell you are getting angry for some reason, but I don't have the receipt, the place where I got the glasses is an extremely long drive away, and I don't know if glasses repair places have spare parts for literally every kind of glasses.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

I can tell you are getting angry for some reason...

I've tended to notice a vague communal frustration about you, though I don't really feel it myself. I imagine it's because you are, by appearances, a great worrier — or maybe "agoniser" — over small matters, who continues to worry about them even in the face of potential sensible solutions. I don't know if you're receiving any help for it, but I suspect it's probably pathological.

Anyway, perhaps just try some sort of local repair shop, though? The worst they can do is say they don't have whatever part and would have to order it or something. If I'm not much mistaken, they're statistically likely to have been manufactued by Luxottica, so finding parts likely won't be that difficult.

[linguistcat]

I can tell you are getting angry for some reason...

I've tended to notice a vague communal frustration about you, though I don't really feel it myself. I imagine it's because you are, by appearances, a great worrier — or maybe "agoniser" — over small matters, who continues to worry about them even in the face of potential sensible solutions. I don't know if you're receiving any help for it, but I suspect it's probably pathological.

Also, nothing in that post read as particularly angry. But people will often read things with a neutral tone as more aggressive than was intended (as in, this is not a "you thing" I'm pointing out but a tendency in humans generally). Please try to assume that people are simply helping in a situation like this, in all cases possible. Especially try not to tell people what they are feeling, as it can come off as presumptuous and if they weren't frustrated or angry, it might make them so.

[zompist]

I can tell you are getting angry for some reason, but I don't have the receipt, the place where I got the glasses is an extremely long drive away, and I don't know if glasses repair places have spare parts for literally every kind of glasses.

I know you hate to actually solve a problem, but stop guessing. Go to a glasses repair place.

(You can still go to the place you got the glasses— they have the records. But do learn to keep receipts for major purchases.)