Phrase evolution game

[Rounin Ryuuji]

[sɑːʋtəm ʋœt goːʋqɑtɛ nɑːɾhɑt | sɑktəm hɛːg.ge nəppəʋuːx | nɑːx goːʋqɑtɛ mpənɑːʋqɑtɛ hɑt | ɾeːʋn geːʋn gɛːn sɑːçt mpənɑːʋqæɾœn | mɪkntɪ hɔn]

1. ʋ → ∅ / Vː _
2. h → ∅ / C _
3. At the end of a syllable: voiceless obstruent → ʔ → ː, voiced fricative → nasal; but [çt] → [çʔ] → [jˀ]
4. Vowel breaking: æː ɑː ɛː œː ɔː eː øː əː oː ɪː ʏː iː ʉː uː → ɐj ɐw ɛj ɛw ɔw ej ew əj ow ɪj ɪw iw ʉw uj (and then [wjˀ] → [wˀ])
5. Semivowels become coarticulated with following consonants; nʲ ŋʲ tʲ dʲ → ɲ ɲ t͡ɕ d͡ʑ
6. Vowel affectation: i~ʉ~u ɪ~ʏ~ʊ e~ø~o ə ɛ~œ~ɔ æ~ɐ~ɑ → u ʊ o ɵ ɔ ɒ / next to labiovelars, → i ɪ e ɛ æ / next to palatals
7. The resulting system of 18 monophthongs is extremely unstable and collapses: ɪ ʏ ʊ → i ʉ u, ɵ → ø, ɛ ɔ → æ ɒ, ɑ → ɐ, with /ij/ → [ɪj] allophonically

Sautuem wau gougautae naurau. Sautuem haenje nëppëwiy. Nau gougautae mpënauqautae hau. Rein gein gaein sauʼ mpënauqauroen. Minchi haun?

[sɒ.tʷøm ʋɒw go.qʷɒ.tæ nɒ.ɾʷɒ | sɒ.tʷøm hæɲ.d͡ʑe nə.ppə.ʋɪj | nɒw go.qʷɒ.tæ mpə.nɒ.qʷɒ.tæ hɒw | ɾeɲ geɲ gæɲ sɒwˀ mpə.nɒ.qʷɒ.ɾœn | mi.ɲt͡ɕi hɒn]

1.) Diphthong-smoothing: [ɒw] > [ɒː] > [aː], or [ow] > [oː] after labials; [ɪj] > [ɛj] > [ɛː].
2) Vowels in the last open syllable in a word lengthen.
2.1) [ɒː] > [oː] in labial environments, as above.
2.2) Elsewhere [ɒː] [æː] > [aː]; [eː] > [iː]; [ɛː] > [eː]
(3) Loss of initial [ʋ], and labialisation; loss of [ˀ] with compensatory lengthening.
(4.) Nasal-Consonant sequences become prenasalised, then plain voiced.
(4.1) [q] glottalises, then is lost; excrescent [j w] may appear after a long vowel.
(5.) Short vowel shifts, [ø œ] > [ɛ], [ɒ] > [ɔ], schwa coloured by preceding vowel
(5.1) [ɔwɔ owɔ] > [ɔːː > [oːː]
(6) [ɲ] > [j]
(6.1) [æj] > [eː], [ej] > [iː]
(6.2) Long vowels in open monosyllables become overlong.

[saː.tɛm oːː goːː.taː nɔ.ɾoː | saː.tɛm heː.d͡ʑiː nɛ.ppɔ.ʋeː | naːː goːː.taː bɔ.noːː.taː haːː | ɾiːː geːː geːː saːː bɔ.nɔ.qoː.ɾɛn | mi.ɟ͡ʑiː hɔn]
Sátem ô gâtá noró. Sátem héjí neppowé. Nâ gôtá bonôtá hâ. Rî gê gê sâ bonogó ren. Miji hon?

Have fun with the new vowel system!

[Nortaneous]

1.) Diphthong-smoothing: [ɒw] > [ɒː] > [aː], or [ow] > [oː] after labials; [ɪj] > [ɛj] > [ɛː].
2) Vowels in the last open syllable in a word lengthen.
2.1) [ɒː] > [oː] in labial environments, as above.
2.2) Elsewhere [ɒː] [æː] > [aː]; [eː] > [iː]; [ɛː] > [eː]
(3) Loss of initial [ʋ], and labialisation; loss of [ˀ] with compensatory lengthening.
(4.) Nasal-Consonant sequences become prenasalised, then plain voiced.
(4.1) [q] glottalises, then is lost; excrescent [j w] may appear after a long vowel.
(5.) Short vowel shifts, [ø œ] > [ɛ], [ɒ] > [ɔ], schwa coloured by preceding vowel
(5.1) [ɔwɔ owɔ] > [ɔːː > [oːː]
(6) [ɲ] > [j]
(6.1) [æj] > [eː], [ej] > [iː]
(6.2) Long vowels in open monosyllables become overlong.

[saː.tɛm oːː goːː.taː nɔ.ɾoː | saː.tɛm heː.d͡ʑiː nɛ.ppɔ.ʋeː | naːː goːː.taː bɔ.noːː.taː haːː | ɾiːː geːː geːː saːː bɔ.nɔ.qoː.ɾɛn | mi.ɟ͡ʑiː hɔn]
Sátem ô gâtá noró. Sátem héjí neppowé. Nâ gôtá bonôtá hâ. Rî gê gê sâ bonogó ren. Miji hon?

Have fun with the new vowel system!

1) peripheral consonants labiovelarize before rounded vowels; coronal consonants other than /r/ palatalize before front vowels - same after such vowels word-finally
2) nonfront vowels front (and unround where applicable) preceding a front vowel
3) short vowels > schwa, then V: V:: > V V:
4) schwa drops where phonotactics permit
5) s t ɾ > θ ʈ ɖ > tˠ tʂ dʐ;
6) all consonants form palatalized / plain and velarized / labialized pairs

[tˠætʲəmʲ oː gʷoːtʂa nˠədʐo | tˠætʲəmʲ hʲedʑi nʲəpʷpʷəʋʲe | nˠaː gʷoːtʂa bʷənˠoːtʂa hʲaː | dʐiː gʲeː gʲeː tˠaː bʷənqʷedʐənʲ | mʲədʑi hʷənˠ]
Thätĕm ō gwōrha năro. Thätĕm heji ñĕppwŏwe. Nā gwōrha bŏnōrha hā. Rī gē gē thā bwonqwereñ. Mĕji hwŏn?

[Rounin Ryuuji]

(1) Assibiliation pf [tʲ] > [ts] > [s]
(1.1) Disaffircation of [tʂ dʐ dʑ] > [ʂ ʐ ʑ]
(1.2) [hʲ] > [ç] > [ɕ], [gʲ] > [dʑ], [hʷ] > [fʷ]
(1.3) Retroflex fricatives become palatals before front vowels
(1.4) [mʲ nʲ] > [ɲ] > [j]; [ʋʲ] > [ɥ]
(2) [ʲ] colours following schwa to [e], [ˠ ʷ] to [o]; [fʷ] > [f]
(2.1) [əj] > [ai] > [æ]
(2.2) Development of back-front harmony influenced by first vowel, with the following pairs [a]/[æ], [o]/[ø] other forms unattested.
(3) [æ] > [ɛ], [je] > [i]; [o] > [uɛ] in closed syllables

[tˠɛsɛ oː gʷoːʂa nˠoʐo | tˠɛsɛ ɕeʑi ipʷpʷøɥe | nˠaː gʷoːʂa bʷonˠoːʂa ɕaː | ʑiː dʑeː dʑeː tˠaː bʷuɛnqʷøʐa | jeʑi fuɛnˠ]
Täsä ôgwôsha nozho. Täsä shezhi ippwöwye. Nâ gwôsha bwonôshashya. Zhî jê jê tâ buenqwözha. Yezhi fuen?

[bradrn]

[tˠɛsɛ oː gʷoːʂa nˠoʐo | tˠɛsɛ ɕeʑi ipʷpʷøɥe | nˠaː gʷoːʂa bʷonˠoːʂa ɕaː | ʑiː dʑeː dʑeː tˠaː bʷuɛnqʷøʐa | jeʑi fuɛnˠ]
Täsä ôgwôsha nozho. Täsä shezhi ippwöwye. Nâ gwôsha bwonôshashya. Zhî jê jê tâ buenqwözha. Yezhi fuen?

1. Full retrogressive palatal/velar consonant harmony
2. nˠ → ɫ, ɥ → w
3. ø → o
4. Fricatives voice intervocalically
5. a ɛ e o i uɛ → æ e e ɨ i ɛ when palatalised, → ɔ ɔ o u ʉ u when velarised (orthographic ⟨a ä e o i ue⟩ → ⟨a~a e~a e~o u~u i~i u~u⟩)

[seze oː gʷuːʐɔ ɫuʐu | seze ɕeʑi ʉpʷpʷuwo | ɫɔː gʷuːʐɔ bʷuɫuːʐɔ ɕæː | ʑiː dʑeː dʑeː tˠɔː bʷuɫqʷuʐɔ | jeʑi fuɫ]

Seze ô⹀gwûzha luzhu. Seze shezhyi ippwuwo. Lâ gwûzha bwulûzha⹀shyâ. Zhî jê jê twâ bwulqwuzha. Yezhyi ful?

[Rounin Ryuuji]

[tˠɛsɛ oː gʷoːʂa nˠoʐo | tˠɛsɛ ɕeʑi ipʷpʷøɥe | nˠaː gʷoːʂa bʷonˠoːʂa ɕaː | ʑiː dʑeː dʑeː tˠaː bʷuɛnqʷøʐa | jeʑi fuɛnˠ]
Täsä ôgwôsha nozho. Täsä shezhi ippwöwye. Nâ gwôsha bwonôshashya. Zhî jê jê tâ buenqwözha. Yezhi fuen?

1. Full retrogressive palatal/velar consonant harmony
2. nˠ → ɫ, ɥ → w
3. ø → o
4. Fricatives voice intervocalically
5. a ɛ e o i uɛ → æ e e ɨ i ɛ when palatalised, → ɔ ɔ o u ʉ u when velarised (orthographic ⟨a ä e o i ue⟩ → ⟨a~a e~a e~o u~u i~i u~u⟩)

[seze oː gʷuːʐɔ ɫuʐu | seze ɕeʑi ʉpʷpʷuwo | ɫɔː gʷuːʐɔ bʷuɫuːʐɔ ɕæː | ʑiː dʑeː dʑeː tˠɔː bʷuɫqʷuʐɔ | jeʑi fuɫ]

Seze ô⹀gwûzha luzhu. Seze shezhyi ippwuwo. Lâ gwûzha bwulûzha⹀shyâ. Zhî jê jê twâ bwulqwuzha. Yezhyi ful?

(1) Diphthongisation of long vowels, [oː] > [əo], [ɔː] > [oə], [uː] > [əu], [iː] > [ɛi], [æ] > [ɛæ], [eː] > [eə]
(1.1) [ə] > [o] in labial environments
(2.) [ɫ] > [w] at the end of a syllable, > [l] initially
(2.1) [uw] > [ou]
(2.2) metathesis of [uwo] > [owu], collapse to [ou]
(3.) Loss of labialisation
(3.1) [k q] merge > [k]
(4) Palatals eject [i~j] into the onset following, unless the following vowel is [i], in which case no change occurs
(4.1) [ieə iɛæ] > [ieu]
(5) Surviving [ə] > [e]
(5.1) [ʉ] > [u]

[seze eo gouʐɔ luʐu | seze ɕjeʑi uppou | loe gouʐɔ buleuʐɔ ɕiɛu | ʑiɛi dʑieu dʑieu tˠoe boukuʐɔ | jeʑi fou]
Seze eo-gouzho luzhu. Seze shiezhi uppou. Loe gouzho buleuzho shieu. Zhiei jieu jieu toe boukuzho. Yezhi fou?

[bradrn]

OK, I think that text is well and truly destroyed now. Let’s start Otto’s text now:

In loco Manicie, cujus nomine non quero acordare me, non abet multu tempus qui vivebat nobils de lancias in faliscas, iscutu anticu, caballu flaccu et cane gallicu cursantis.

[in 'loko ma'nikie 'kujus 'nomine non 'kwero ako'rdare me non abet 'multu 'tempus kwi vi'vebat no'bilis de 'lankias in fa'liskas is'kutu an'tiku ka'balu 'flaku et 'kane ga'liku ku'rsantis]

(I’m not sure where the stress falls in [ako'rdare ku'rsantis], so I’ll treat them as if they were [a'kordare 'kursantis].)

1. C₁V₁C₂(C₃)V₁ → C₁V₁ːC₂(C₃)
2. V → ∅ / before a stressed syllable
3. VrC → VːC
4. ia → ija
5. Secondary stress develops on every second syllable after primary stress
6. Short unstressed vowels reduce, a e i o u → ə ɛ ɨ ɔ ɨ
7. Nasal PoA assimilation before stops
8. [ɛt] cliticises to following word
9. Pretonic (=word-initial) clusters simplify to geminates, except for [gl] → [ʎ]

In lōc Nnicie, kūjs nomine non quero cōdare me, non abet mūlt tempus qui vvebat bbilis de lancias in ffiscas, scūt nticu, cāblu ffacu et-cane glicu cūsantis.

[ɨn ˈloːk ˈnːiːkɨje | ˈkuːjs ˈnomɨˌne nɔn ˈkwerɔ ˈkoːdəˌre mɛ | nɔn əbɛt ˈmuːlt ˈtempɨs kwɨ ˈvvebət ˈbbilɨs də ˈlaŋkɨˌjas ɨn ˈfːiskəs | ˈskuːt ˈntikɨ | ˈkaːblɨ ˈfːakɨ ɛkˈkanɛ ˈʎikɨ ˈkuːsənˌtis]

[Rounin Ryuuji]

OK, I think that text is well and truly destroyed now. Let’s start Otto’s text now:

In lōc Nnicie, kūjs nomine non quero cōdare me, non abet mūlt tempus qui vvebat bbilis de lancias in ffiscas, scūt nticu, cāblu ffacu et-cane glicu cūsantis.

[ɨn ˈloːk ˈnːiːkɨje | ˈkuːjs ˈnomɨˌne nɔn ˈkwerɔ ˈkoːdəˌre mɛ | nɔn əbɛt ˈmuːlt ˈtempɨs kwɨ ˈvvebət ˈbbilɨs də ˈlaŋkɨˌjas ɨn ˈfːiskəs | ˈskuːt ˈntikɨ | ˈkaːblɨ ˈfːakɨ ɛkˈkanɛ ˈʎikɨ ˈkuːsənˌtis]

(1) Insertion of [ɨ] as an epinthetic vowel before initial geminates, and between resonant + stop and s + [p t k] clusters (even across syllable boundaries)
(1.1) [ŋ] > [g] between vowels
(2) [ə] > [ɨ]
(3) Consonant shifts, [j] > [l] terminally, but [dʒ] elsewhere, except after fully-realised [i]; [kw] > [k], [t] > [s] before [i]
(3.1) [ʎ] > [j] > [dʒ]
(3.2) Non-geminate intervocalic voiced stops become fricatives [g] > [x], [b] > [v], [d] > [ð]; also occurs medially before [l r]
(3.3) [vl] > [wl]
(3.4) Non-geminate intervocalic voiceless consonants become voiced

[ɨn ˈloːk ɨn'niːkɨdʒe | ˈkuːls ˈnomɨˌne nɔn ˈkerɔ ˈkoːðɨˌre mɛ | nɔn ɨ'vɛt ˈmuːlɨt ˈtempɨs kɨ ɨv'vevɨt ˈɨbbilɨs dɨ ˈlaxɨgɨˌdʒas ɨn ɨf'fisɨgɨs | sɨ'guːt nɨ'sigɨ | ˈkaːwlɨ ˈɨ'f.fagɨ ɛkˈkanɛ ˈdʒikɨ ˈkuːzɨnˌsis]

Yn lóc ynníquige. Cúls nomyne non quero kódhire mè, non yvet múlyt tempys quy yvvevyt ybbilys dy lachyguy jas yn yffisyguys sygút nytiguy, cáuly yffaguy èkkanè giquy cúsyntis

Italianate Welsh Spanish? Well, let's run with it!

[bradrn]

Oh, so we’re going west, are we? Far be it from me to desist:

[ɨn ˈloːk ɨn'niːkɨdʒe | ˈkuːls ˈnomɨˌne nɔn ˈkerɔ ˈkoːðɨˌre mɛ | nɔn ɨ'vɛt ˈmuːlɨt ˈtempɨs kɨ ɨv'vevɨt ˈɨbbilɨs dɨ ˈlaxɨgɨˌdʒas ɨn ɨf'fisɨgɨs | sɨ'guːt nɨ'sigɨ | ˈkaːwlɨ ˈɨ'f.fagɨ ɛkˈkanɛ ˈdʒikɨ ˈkuːzɨnˌsis]

Yn lóc ynníquige. Cúls nomyne non quero kódhire mè, non yvet múlyt tempys quy yvvevyt ybbilys dy lachyguy jas yn yffisyguys sygút nytiguy, cáuly yffaguy èkkanè giquy cúsyntis

1. Primary stress consistently moves to first non-reduced syllable
2. x → ʃ, ls r z → ð
3. Word-final vowel deletes from words with ≥3 syllables
4. Chain vowel shift: ɔ → o → u, ɛ → a
5. ɨC₁ˈC₁ → jˈC₁ → ˈC₁j
6. f k → h / except when word-initial, kk → hk
7. v → w, vj → wj → bj
8. s → ts at word boundaries
9. b d ɡ p t k → p t k ʔp ʔt ʔk, ʔCV → CVʔ / after word boundary or another consonant, Vːʔ → VʔV

[ɨn ˈluːh 'njiːhɨdʒ | ˈkuʔuð ˈnumɨn non ˈkeʔðo ˈkuʔuðɨð ma | non 'pjaʔt ˈmuːlɨʔt ˈteʔmpɨts kɨ 'pjewɨʔt ˈpjilɨts tɨ ˈlaʃɨkɨˌdʒats ɨn 'hjisɨkɨts | tsɨ'kuʔut nɨ'sik | ˈkaʔawlɨ ˈhjak ahˈkaʔn ˈdʒihɨ ˈkuʔuðɨnˌsits]

Ɨn luuj nyiijɨdx, kuʼuð numɨn non keʼðo kuʼuðɨð ma, non pyaʼt muulɨʼt teʼmpɨts kɨ pyewɨʼt pyilɨts tɨ laxɨkɨdxats ɨn hyisɨkɨts, tsɨkuʼut nɨsik, kaʼawlɨ hyak ajkaʼn dxihɨ kuʼuðɨnsits.

So… Italianate Welsh Spanish Mixtecan Mixe, I guess?

[Rounin Ryuuji]

Oh, so we’re going west, are we? Far be it from me to desist:
t k ʔp ʔt ʔk, ʔCV → CVʔ / after word boundary or another consonant, Vːʔ → VʔV
[/list]

[ɨn ˈluːh 'njiːhɨdʒ | ˈkuʔuð ˈnumɨn non ˈkeʔðo ˈkuʔuðɨð ma | non 'pjaʔt ˈmuːlɨʔt ˈteʔmpɨts kɨ 'pjewɨʔt ˈpjilɨts tɨ ˈlaʃɨkɨˌdʒats ɨn 'hjisɨkɨts | tsɨ'kuʔut nɨ'sik | ˈkaʔawlɨ ˈhjak ahˈkaʔn ˈdʒihɨ ˈkuʔuðɨnˌsits]

Ɨn luuj nyiijɨdx, kuʼuð numɨn non keʼðo kuʼuðɨð ma, non pyaʼt muulɨʼt teʼmpɨts kɨ pyewɨʼt pyilɨts tɨ laxɨkɨdxats ɨn hyisɨkɨts, tsɨkuʼut nɨsik, kaʼawlɨ hyak ajkaʼn dxihɨ kuʼuðɨnsits.

So… Italianate Welsh Spanish Mixtecan Mixe, I guess?

(1.) Diphthongation of long vowels: [uː iː] > [ou ei];
(2.) Deletion of intervocalic and postvocalic [h ʔ] stops except following dipthongs; in the latter case with compensatory lengthening;
(2.2) Coalescence of vowels now in contact, [uu] > [uː]; [iɨ] > [iː], [aa] > [aː];
(2.3) Further chain shifts, [ei ɨː] > [eː]; [ou aːw] > [oː]; [uː] > [yː];
(2.4) Before [j] and front vowels, [n] > [ɲ] > [j], [k] > [c], [h s] > [ɕ], [p] > [pfʲ] > [hʲ] > [ç(j)];
(2.5) Prevocalic coronals become palatals;
(3) Following single consonants preceded by short vowels, [ɨ] reduces to [ə] (also in unstressed monosyllables), with compensatory lengthening of the preceding vowel;
(3.1) Deletion of [ə] if a string of two or more consonants at the end of a word would not result;

[ən ˈloːh 'jeːhɨdʒ | ˈcyːð ˈnuːmən non ˈceːðo ˈcyːðɨð ma | non 'çjaːt ˈmoːleːt ˈteːmpɨts kə 'çjeweːt ˈçiːləts tə ˈlaːʃkɨˌdʒats ɨn 'ɕiːskɨts | tsɨ'cyːt nɨ'ɕik | ˈkoːlɨ ˈɕjak aːˈkaːn ˈɟʑiː ˈcyːðɨnˌɕits]

Yn lóh iéhytg, chiu númyn non chéddo chiuddydd ma, non hiát mólét témpys chy hieuét hílys ty lásgchy tgas yn sgischys, sycút nyscic, cóly sciac ácánn tgí chiuddynscis.

Alpine Welsh Romance Tolkenian? We're getting good at making some pretty wild shifts.

[bradrn]

Idea for the game: why doesn’t someone other than me and Rounin Ryuuji join in?

[ən ˈloːh 'jeːhɨdʒ | ˈcyːð ˈnuːmən non ˈceːðo ˈcyːðɨð ma | non 'çjaːt ˈmoːleːt ˈteːmpɨts kə 'çjeweːt ˈçiːləts tə ˈlaːʃkɨˌdʒats ɨn 'ɕiːskɨts | tsɨ'cyːt nɨ'ɕik | ˈkoːlɨ ˈɕjak aːˈkaːn ˈɟʑiː ˈcyːðɨnˌɕits]

Yn lóh iéhytg, chiu númyn non chéddo chiuddydd ma, non hiát mólét témpys chy hieuét hílys ty lásgchy tgas yn sgischys, sycút nyscic, cóly sciac ácánn tgí chiuddynscis.

1. y yː → i iː
2. Long vowels shorten in unstressed syllables
3. ɨ → jə with accompanying palatalisation (hj → çj, ðj → ʝ, kj → cj, tsj → tʃj, nj → ɲj, lj → ʎj)
4. c ɟʑ ç ɕ ʝ [+palatal]j → tʃ dʒ ʃ ʃ ʒ j; tʃ ʃ ʒ s → ts s z θ
5. ð z → ɹ

(Sound changes cause some orthographic levelling: notably /ts ɹ jə/ become regularly represented by ⟨ch dd hy~iy⟩.)

[ən ˈloːh 'jeːjədʒ | ˈtsiːɹ ˈnuːmən non ˈtseːɹo ˈtsiːɹəɹ ma | non 'jaːt ˈmoːlet ˈteːmpjəts kə 'jewet ˈsiːləts tə ˈlaːsjəˌdʒats jən 'siːθjəts | tsjə'tsiːt jə'sik | ˈkoːjə ˈjak aˈkaːn ˈdziː ˈtsiːɹənˌsits]

Yn lóh iéhytg, chídd númyn non chéddo chíddydd ma, non hiát mólet témpiych cy hieuet sílych ty lásiytgach hyn síttiych, chiychít hysic, cóhy hiac a cán tgí chíddynsich.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

Idea for the game: why doesn’t someone other than me and Rounin Ryuuji join in?

I would appRyuuve of this. That being said...

[ən ˈloːh 'jeːjədʒ | ˈtsiːɹ ˈnuːmən non ˈtseːɹo ˈtsiːɹəɹ ma | non 'jaːt ˈmoːlet ˈteːmpjəts kə 'jewet ˈsiːləts tə ˈlaːsjəˌdʒats jən 'siːθjəts | tsjə'tsiːt jə'sik | ˈkoːjə ˈjak aˈkaːn ˈdziː ˈtsiːɹənˌsits]

Yn lóh iéhytg, chídd númyn non chéddo chíddydd ma, non hiát mólet témpiych cy hieuet sílych ty lásiytgach hyn síttiych, chiychít hysic, cóhy hiac a cán tgí chíddynsich.

(1) Long vowels diphthongise, [iː] > [əi] > [ɛi], [oː] > [uə] > [uɛ], [eː] > [eə] > [ɛæ], [aː] > [au] > ou [uː] > [y;] > [øy]
(1.2) [e ə] > [ɛ]
(1.3) [ɛjɛ] > [ɛi]
(2) [ts θ dz dʒ] > [s s z ʒ], except before [i j].
(2.2) [ts θ s dz p] > [cɕ ɕ ɕ ɟʑ pɸ] before [i] or through yod-coalescence
(3) Unstressed [jɛ] > [i]


Spelling remains largely conservative, though there is some confusion of orthographical "y" and "e" in formerly unstressed position ("iy" may also become confused with "e"); a few words are also "corrected" to more ancient forms, including replacing terminal -ch with more "proper" Latinate -s.

[ɛn ˈluɛh 'jɛæiʒ | ˈsɛiɹ ˈnøymɛn non ˈsɛæɹo ˈsɛiɹɛɹ ma | non 'jout ˈmuɛlɛt ˈtɛæmpɸis kɛ 'jewet ˈsɛilɛs tɛ ˈlou.ɕɛˌʒas jɛn 'sɛiɕɛs | cɕɛ'sɛit i'sik | ˈkuɛi ˈjak aˈkoun ˈzɛi ˈsɛi.ɹɛnˌɕis]

En lóh iéhetg, chídd númen non chéddo chíddedd ma, non hiát mólet tempiys que hieuet sílych ty lásiytgas hyn síttes, chiyssít hyssic, cóhy hiac a cán tgí chíddensis.

[cedh]

[ɛn ˈluɛh 'jɛæiʒ | ˈsɛiɹ ˈnøymɛn non ˈsɛæɹo ˈsɛiɹɛɹ ma | non 'jout ˈmuɛlɛt ˈtɛæmpɸis kɛ 'jewet ˈsɛilɛs tɛ ˈlou.ɕɛˌʒas jɛn 'sɛiɕɛs | cɕɛ'sɛit i'sik | ˈkuɛi ˈjak aˈkoun ˈzɛi ˈsɛi.ɹɛnˌɕis]

En lóh iéhetg, chídd númen non chéddo chíddedd ma, non hiát mólet tempiys que hieuet sílych ty lásiytgas hyn síttes, chiyssít hyssic, cóhy hiac a cán tgí chíddensis.

[e o] > [ɛ ɔ] in closed syllables
[cɕ ɕ ɟʑ ʑ pɸ] > [ʃ ʃ ʒ ʒ f]
[ɛi ɔu] > [ɛ ɔ] / _ɹ
[ɛɹ] > [ɛæ] / ˈ_.$, ˈ_#
[ɹ] > Ø / _.$, _#
[i e ɛ a ɔ o u] > [i ɛ ɛ a ɔ ɔ u] / unstressed #_
[i e ɛ a ɔ o u] > [ɪ ɪ ə ə ə ʊ ʊ] / unstressed elsewhere
[ə] > Ø / in word-medial syllables
[ u i] > [w j] / V_, _V
[ɛæ] > [a] / _V
[ɛæ] > [ja]
[ɛj øy ɔw] > [aj ɔj aw]
[a aj] > [ɔ ɔj] / w_
C[+voiced+obstruent] > [-voiced] / _#
[s] > [z] / #_
[ɹ h] > [ʁ χ]
[w] > Ø / C_V
[w] > [v] / #_, V_V
V > Vː / ˈ_CV.$, ˈCV#, ˈ_#,
New orthography loosely based on German.

[ɛn ˈlɛχ 'jajʃ | ˈzjaː ˈnajmən nɔn ˈzaːʁʊ ˈzɛːʁə mə | nɔn 'jawt ˈmɛlət ˈtjamfɪs kə 'jeːvət ˈzajləs tə ˈlaw.ʃəs jɛn 'zajʃəs | ʃə'sajt i'sik | ˈkɔj ˈjak aˈkawn ˈzaj ˈzjanʃɪs]

En lech jaisch, sjah neimen nonn sahru sehre me, nonn jaut mellet tjamfiss ke jehwet seiles te lausches jenn seisches, schesseith issick, keu jack akaun sei sjanschiss.

[Otto Kretschmer]

Time for something new?

Modern English so it's eastier to introduce grammatical changes
The battles on the Eastern Front of the Second World War constituted the largest military confrontation in history. They were characterised by unprecedented ferocity and brutality, wholesale destruction, mass deportations, and immense loss of life due to combat, starvation, exposure, disease, and massacres.

[ðə ˈbætəlz ɑn ði ˈistərn frʌnt ʌv ðə ˈsɛkənd wɜrld wɔr ˈkɑnstəˌtutəd ðə ˈlɑrʤəst ˈmɪləˌtɛri ˌkɑnfrənˈteɪʃən ɪn ˈhɪstəri. ðeɪ wɜr ˈkɛrəktəˌraɪzd baɪ ənˈprɛsɪˌdɛntɪd fəˈrɑsəti ænd bruˈtæləti, ˈhoʊlˌseɪl dɪˈstrʌkʃən, mæs ˌdipɔrˈteɪʃənz, ænd ɪˈmɛns lɔs ʌv laɪf du tu ˈkɑmbæt, stɑrˈveɪʃən, ɪkˈspoʊʒər, dɪˈziz, ænd ˈmæsɪkərz.]

[bradrn]

[ðə ˈbætəlz ɑn ði ˈistərn frʌnt ʌv ðə ˈsɛkənd wɜrld wɔr ˈkɑnstəˌtutəd ðə ˈlɑrʤəst ˈmɪləˌtɛri ˌkɑnfrənˈteɪʃən ɪn ˈhɪstəri. ðeɪ wɜr ˈkɛrəktəˌraɪzd baɪ ənˈprɛsɪˌdɛntɪd fəˈrɑsəti ænd bruˈtæləti, ˈhoʊlˌseɪl dɪˈstrʌkʃən, mæs ˌdipɔrˈteɪʃənz, ænd ɪˈmɛns lɔs ʌv laɪf du tu ˈkɑmbæt, stɑrˈveɪʃən, ɪkˈspoʊʒər, dɪˈziz, ænd ˈmæsɪkərz.]

1. Implement some modern-day changes: cliticisation, allophony of /r/ (incl. non-roticity), /t/ and /d/-tapping, some syncope, aspiration etc.
2. /l/-vocalisation (another modern change, though less universal)
3. [ɪ ə] (and [i] in [ði‿]) merge to [ə] in unstressed syllables
4. Unstressed vowels lost between voiceless consonants
5. ɻ → w → β; fβ pʰβ bβ → β; tʃβ → tβ
6. Vz → Və, except əz → əi

No grammatical or orthographical changes for now.

[ðə‿ˈbæɾuə ɑn ðə‿ˈjistʰən βʌntʰ ə‿ðə‿ˈsɛkʰənd wɜːwd wɔː ˈkɑnstʰˌtʰutʰəd ðə‿ˈlɑːʤəst ˈmɪləˌtβi ˌkʰɑnβənˈtʰeɪʃən ən ˈhɪstβi ‖ ðeɪ wə‿ˈkʰɛβəktʰəˌβaɪəd baɪ ənˈβɛsəˌdɛntʰəd fəˈβɑstʰi ænd βuˈtʰælətʰi | ˈhowˌseju dəˈstβʌkʃən | mæs ˌdipɔːˈtʰeɪʃənz | ænd əˈmɛns lɔs ə‿laɪf dʒju tʰ‿ˈkʰɑmbæt | stʰɑːˈveɪʃən | əkˈspʰoʊʒə | dəˈziə | ænd ˈmæskəi]

The battles on the Eastern Front of the Second World War constituted the largest military confrontation in history. They were characterised by unprecedented ferocity and brutality, wholesale destruction, mass deportations, and immense loss of life due to combat, starvation, exposure, disease, and massacres.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

[ðə‿ˈbæɾuə ɑn ðə‿ˈjistʰən βʌntʰ ə‿ðə‿ˈsɛkʰənd wɜːwd wɔː ˈkɑnstʰˌtʰutʰəd ðə‿ˈlɑːʤəst ˈmɪləˌtβi ˌkʰɑnβənˈtʰeɪʃən ən ˈhɪstβi ‖ ðeɪ wə‿ˈkʰɛβəktʰəˌβaɪəd baɪ ənˈβɛsəˌdɛntʰəd fəˈβɑstʰi ænd βuˈtʰælətʰi | ˈhowˌseju dəˈstβʌkʃən | mæs ˌdipɔːˈtʰeɪʃənz | ænd əˈmɛns lɔs ə‿laɪf dʒju tʰ‿ˈkʰɑmbæt | stʰɑːˈveɪʃən | əkˈspʰoʊʒə | dəˈziə | ænd ˈmæskəi]

The battles on the Eastern Front of the Second World War constituted the largest military confrontation in history. They were characterised by unprecedented ferocity and brutality, wholesale destruction, mass deportations, and immense loss of life due to combat, starvation, exposure, disease, and massacres.

(1) Labial-Lateral consonant chain shift, [w] > [ɫ], [β] > [w], [br]b[/br] > [β] > [v], [l] > [ʎ]
(1.1) [j] > [ʎ] initially
(1.2) Coalescence of new sequences, [wʌ] > [wo], [nw] > [m], [ewə eju] > [jou], [ju] > [iy], [əˈwɑ] > [wou]
(2.) Second Great Vowel Shift, affects chiefly the long vowels, diphthongs, and triphthongs at first: [aɪ aɪə] > [aː] ("why-wire" merger), [ɔː ou] > [oː] ("stow-store" merger), [eɪ] > [ɔɪ] > [waː], [ɑː] > [ɑə] > [eə] > [ɛː], [əi ɜː] > [ɛː] ("star-stir" merger), [iy] > [yː]
(2.1) Continuation of the above, [æ ə] > [ɛ] before consonants, but postvocalically [ə] disappears, lengthening the preceding vowel
(2.2) Continuation of the above: [ɑ ʌ] > [a] ("bot-but" merger), [ɪ] > [i]
(2.3) "Of"-coalescence, intrusion of a dialectal form [əw] > [ɔ] used for possessum-marking
(2.4) "The"-cliticisation, attaching it to the beginning of the word as a definite marker; following voiceless consonants may voice in assimilation to it
(2.5) "To"-cliticisation, as above.
(2.5) "Military" gains a "corrected" pronunciation, so does "history"
(2.6) "Were" becomes a fully realised word, possibly from dialectal intrusion or a widespread hypercorrection.
(2.7) [sj] > [ʃ], [ʃ ʤ] > [s dz] before [ɛ], [ɛ] > [a] after [ʒ]; [tʰ s z] > [tʃʰ ʃ ʒ] before [i], but the first is blocked by preceding [s]
(3.) s-dropping (loss of terminal [z], but [s] is not affected), analogisation of some plural forming patterns: the plural of "house" becomes "hyce", the plural of "moose" becomes "meece", otherwise the plural marker is [ɛn], from a few common words like "children"; Dutch and German influence probably also plays a role; words ending in a vowel simply add [n]

A few apostrophes and the orthographical representation of a few new markers become accepted, and the "ar er ir ur" vowels in stressed position tend to all be spelled "er" where descended from earlier "ar", and "ir" elsewhere, but there is not infrequent confusion between them. Earlier "long a" > "oi" was accepted earlier (at first facetiously, but then becoming widespread), and now remains as a historical spelling.

The velar lateral tends to be spelled "wl" and [w] as "brw", "rw", "wr", and all manners of other atrocities, owing to a growing fascination with Chaucer, Old Norse, and Old English having fostered some desire to return to "older" ideas of spelling. Some instances of newer [tʃʰ] are "ch", but are often still "t". Many cases of short o/u end up spelled "a", after a period of great confusion. The old orthography and "Classical English" are taught in schools, and reading books in the older style is commonplace, with being able to compose text in it being a sort of thing pretentious people, or historical reenactors, might still do, though this is not part of regular school curriculum. As a holdover from [ai] > [aː], [aː] is often spelled "y", but may be "i" in some situations.

['ðvɛ.ɾuːn an 'ðʎistʰɛn wontʰɔ ðzɛkʰɛnd ɫɛːɫd woː ˈkanstʰˌtʰutʰɛd 'ðʎɛːdzɛst ˈmilɛˌtɛwi ˌkʰamɛnˈtʰwaːsɛnnɛn ɛn ˈhɪstɛwi ‖ ðwaː ɫɛː ˈtʃʰoːktʰɛˌwaːd vaː ɛnˈwɛsɛˌdɛntʰɛd fwoːstʰi ɛnd wuˈtʰɛlɛtʃʰi | ˈhoːˌʃoː dɛˈstwoksɛn | mɛs ˌdipoːˈtʰwaːsɛn.nɛn | ɛnd ɛˈmɛns lɔs.sɔ laːf dʒyː tʰkʰamvɛt | stʰɛːˈvwaːsɛn | ɛkˈspʰoːʒa | dɛˈʒiː | ɛnd ˈmɛskɛː.wɛn]

Th'battles an th'listern front o' th'seckend wlorld wore canst'tuted th'lergest mileterry canfrentoissenen en histewry. Thwy wlere chorcterwide by enprwesedented frwawsty end bwrutelity, wholshore destrwoksen, mess diportoissennen, end emmence loss o' lyfe due t'cambet, stervoissen, exsporger, desie end messkerwren.

[Karch]

1. ɫ l ʎ > ɣ ʎ j
2. pʰ tʰ tʃʰ kʰ s > ɸ s ʃ x ʂ, alveolar-retroflex clusters become retroflex afterwards
3. o ɔː > ɔ oː
4. front vowels back and back vowels become higher before retroflexes: i ɛ a ɔ o > ɨ ə ɑ o u / _[+retroflex]
5. geminates and remaining voiceless stops become preglottalized, voiced stops devoice afterwards
6. voiced consonants that aren't nasals or liquids devoice before voiceless consonants
7. ʎ > j
8. f is lost wholesale

Glottalized continuants are spelled doubled, with the exception of [ˀʂ], which is spelled <st> - the cluster [ʂˀʈ] is thus spelled <s't>. The <rw> digraph is respelled <wr> in imitation of Classical English.

[ˈðvɛ.ɾuːn an ˈðjɨˀʂɛn wɔnsɔ ðzɛxɛnt ɣɛːxt woː ˈˀkɑnˀʂˌʂusɛt 'ðjɛːdzəʂˀʈ ˈmijɛˌˀtɛwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʂɛˀnɛn ɛn ˈhɨʂˀʈɛwi ‖ ðwaː ɣɛː ˈʃoːˀksɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwəʂɛˌtɛnsɛt wuːˀʂi ɛnt wuˈsɛʎɛʃi | ˈhoːˌʃoː təˈʂˀʈwɔˀkʂɛn | məʂ ˌtiˀpoːˈswɑːʂɛˀnɛn | ɛnt ɛˈməɳʂ joˀʂɔ jaː tʃyː sxamvɛˀt | ˀʂɛːˈvwɑːʂɛn | ɛˀkˈʂɸoːʒa | tɛˈʒiː | ɛnt ˈmɛsˀkɛː.wɛn]
Th'batles'n th'listern front'o th'seckend wlorld wore canst'tuted th'lerges't miletery canfrentoisennen en his'tewry. Thwy wlere chorctewride by enpwresedented fwrawsty end bwrutelity, wholshore des'twroksen, mes diportoisennen, end emence lost'o lyfe due t'cambet, stervoisen, exporger, desie end meskerwren.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

[ˈðvɛ.ɾuːn an ˈðjɨˀʂɛn wɔnsɔ ðzɛxɛnt ɣɛːxt woː ˈˀkɑnˀʂˌʂusɛt 'ðjɛːdzəʂˀʈ ˈmijɛˌˀtɛwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʂɛˀnɛn ɛn ˈhɨʂˀʈɛwi ‖ ðwaː ɣɛː ˈʃoːˀksɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwəʂɛˌtɛnsɛt wuːˀʂi ɛnt wuˈsɛʎɛʃi | ˈhoːˌʃoː təˈʂˀʈwɔˀkʂɛn | məʂ ˌtiˀpoːˈswɑːʂɛˀnɛn | ɛnt ɛˈməɳʂ joˀʂɔ jaː tʃyː sxamvɛˀt | ˀʂɛːˈvwɑːʂɛn | ɛˀkˈʂɸoːʒa | tɛˈʒiː | ɛnt ˈmɛsˀkɛː.wɛn]
Th'batles'n th'listern front'o th'seckend wlorld wore canst'tuted th'lerges't miletery canfrentoisennen en his'tewry. Thwy wlere chorctewride by enpwresedented fwrawsty end bwrutelity, wholshore des'twroksen, mes diportoisennen, end emence lost'o lyfe due t'cambet, stervoisen, exporger, desie end meskerwren.

(1) Preglottalised consonants are geminated, followed by loss of preglottalisation; a "tripled" consonant or initial geminate will insert epenthetic [ɨ]; geminates after long vowels are likewise separated;
(1.1) Stress shifts triggered by gemination after short vowels;
(2.) When a stressed short open syllable is followed by an unstressed long one, quantitative metathesis shifts the length to the stressed open short syllable;
(2.1) Coronal and retroflex fricatives and affricates become palatals before [i]; retroflexes merge with coronals elsewhere, [ʂʈ(ʈ)] > [st(t)] > [st] with fortification of the preceding vowel
(2.2) [sx] > [ʃ]; [ʃ] > [s] before consonants; [jɨ] > [jy]
(3) [ɣ x] > [ʁ], [ɾ] > [l]

Orthographic Notes: [ʁ] comes to be spelled "gh" before consonants, and "ghr" initially, in imitation of classical use of "gh" everywhere without much apparent reason behind the sounds it spells; [j] is frequently spelled "ly"; "w" is added to r-clustering where missing, and clusters such as "pr fr" are restored, albeit with trailing w still present; "s't" is frequently respelled "sd" or "-sde"; many of the retroflex consonants had "r" inserted (apparently during a Sinophile period coupled with noticing that Classical English also has a great number of needless r's) and they ended up sticking around

[ˈðvɛː.ɾun an ˈðjyʃ.ʃɛn wɔnsɔ ðzɛxɛnt ɣɛːxt woː ˈˀkɑnʃʃɨʃusɛt 'ðjɛːdzɛst mi'jɛttɛˌwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʃɛnnɛn ɛn ˈçist.tɛ.wi ‖ ðwaː ɣɛː ˈʃoː.kɨk.sɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwəʃɛˌtɛnsɛt 'wuːʃɨˌʃi ɛnt wuˈsɛ.ʎɛ.ɕi | ˈhoːˌʃoː tɛs'twɔk.kʃɛn | məʃ ˌtippoːˈswɑːʃɛn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈməɳʂ joʃʃɔ jaː cɕyː ʃam'vɛtt | ɨʃʃɛːˈvwɑːʃɛn | ɛkkˈsɸoːʒa | tɛˈʑiː | ɛnt ˈmɛskkɛː.wɛn]

Th'battlen an th'lyistren frwont'o th'seckend ghroghd wore cansstristrussed th'lergesde milyetery canfrentoirsrennen en his'tewry. Thwry ghrere schorckictewriorde by enpwresredented frwawsrity end brwutelity, wholshore des'trwoksren, mersre diportoirsrennen, end emenscre lostro lyfe due t'cambet, stervoirsren, exporger, desie end mesckerwren.

Edit: Future English is kind-of horrible and I'm not sorry.

[bradrn]

[ˈðvɛː.ɾun an ˈðjyʃ.ʃɛn wɔnsɔ ðzɛxɛnt ɣɛːxt woː ˈˀkɑnʃʃɨʃusɛt 'ðjɛːdzɛst mi'jɛttɛˌwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʃɛnnɛn ɛn ˈçist.tɛ.wi ‖ ðwaː ɣɛː ˈʃoː.kɨk.sɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwəʃɛˌtɛnsɛt 'wuːʃɨˌʃi ɛnt wuˈsɛ.ʎɛ.ɕi | ˈhoːˌʃoː tɛs'twɔk.kʃɛn | məʃ ˌtippoːˈswɑːʃɛn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈməɳʂ joʃʃɔ jaː cɕyː ʃam'vɛtt | ɨʃʃɛːˈvwɑːʃɛn | ɛkkˈsɸoːʒa | tɛˈʑiː | ɛnt ˈmɛskkɛː.wɛn]

Th'battlen an th'lyistren frwont'o th'seckend ghroghd wore cansstristrussed th'lergesde milyetery canfrentoirsrennen en his'tewry. Thwry ghrere schorckictewriorde by enpwresredented frwawsrity end brwutelity, wholshore des'trwoksren, mersre diportoirsrennen, end emenscre lostro lyfe due t'cambet, stervoirsren, exporger, desie end mesckerwren.

1. Word-initial ðv ðz → ð, ðj → ʒ, ðw → β; also #vw → β
2. ʎ → j
3. ɕ ʑ → ʃ ʒ, cɕ → tʃ
4. y u → ʉ
5. ð → z
6. ɸ x → β ɣ / V _; β ɣ Vːβ Vːɣ → w ɰ Vw Vɰ
7. Vowel shift: ɔ o → o ʊ, ˈə → ˈɐ

Orthographically, the newly-formed pressure group Riters Agenst Unesesary Leters achieves some progress, which of course just adds further to the confusion; but to their disappointment people continue the trend of using ‘classical’ forms, though it would probably be better if they could tell the difference between English and Irish. (They do get capitalisation right, though.)

[ˈzɛː.ɾʉn an ˈʒʉʃ.ʃɛn wonso zɛɰɛnt ɰɛɰt woː ˈˀkɑnʃʃɨʃʉsɛt 'ʒɛːdzɛst mi'jɛttɛˌwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʃɛnnɛn ɛn ˈçist.tɛ.wi ‖ waː ɰɛː ˈʃoː.kɨk.sɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwɐʃɛˌtɛnsɛt 'wʉːʃɨˌʃi ɛnt wʉˈsɛ.jɛ.ʃi | ˈhoːˌʃoː tɛs'twok.kʃɛn | məʃ ˌtippoːˈswɑːʃɛn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈmɐɳʂ jʊʃʃo jaː tʃʉː ʃam'vɛtt | ɨʃʃɛːˈwɑːʃɛn | ɛkkˈsɸoːʒa | tɛˈʒiː | ɛnt ˈmɛskkɛː.wɛn]

hBalen an hListern Frwont o’ hSecond World Wore conssrisrused hlargest milyetery canentoitionnen in his'tewi. Wry ghere charactewriod by unwresredented wawsrity and brutelity, wholshore des’twoktion, mesr diportoitionnen, and immensr lostr o’ lyo due to combat, starvoition, exporger, desiese and mesckerwren.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

Orthographically, the newly-formed pressure group Riters Agenst Unesesary Leters achieves some progress, which of course just adds further to the confusion; but to their disappointment people continue the trend of using ‘classical’ forms, though it would probably be better if they could tell the difference between English and Irish. (They do get capitalisation right, though.)

[ˈbɛː.ɾʉn an ˈʒʉʃ.ʃɛn wonso zɛɰɛnt ɰɛɰt woː ˈˀkɑnʃʃɨʃʉsɛt 'ʒɛːdzɛst mi'jɛttɛˌwi ˌxamɛnˈswɑːʃɛnnɛn ɛn ˈçist.tɛ.wi ‖ waː ɰɛː ˈʃoː.kɨk.sɛˌwaːt vaː ɛnˈwɐʃɛˌtɛnsɛt 'wʉːʃɨˌʃi ɛnt wʉˈsɛ.jɛ.ʃi | ˈhoːˌʃoː tɛs'twok.kʃɛn | məʃ ˌtippoːˈswɑːʃɛn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈmɐɳʂ jʊʃʃo jaː tʃʉː ʃam'vɛtt | ɨʃʃɛːˈwɑːʃɛn | ɛkkˈsɸoːʒa | tɛˈʒiː | ɛnt ˈmɛskkɛː.wɛn]

hBalen an hListern Frwont o’ hSecond World Wore conssrisrused hlargest milyetery canentoitionnen in his'tewi. Wry ghere charactewriod by unwresredented wawsrity and brutelity, wholshore des’twoktion, mesr diportoitionnen, and immensr lostr o’ lyo due to combat, starvoition, exporger, desiese and mesckerwren.

My poor palatals can't ever last. Oh,well.

(1) Third Great Vowel Shift, begins with the diphthongisation of long vowels, [ɛː] > [iɐ], [ɑː] > [ɑʉ] > [ɔʉ], [oː] > [ʉɐ], [ʉː] > [øʉ] > [ɛʉ], [iː] > [ɐi], [aː] > [ɛæ] > [iɛ];
(1.1) [a ɐ ə ɑ] all merge to [ɐ] in stressed syllables, but [ə] when unstressed; unstessed [o] > [ə], especially the possessum marker;
(1.2) [i ɛ ɨ] all merge to [ɨ] in unstressed syllables, [ən] becomes [ɨn], but the plural marker tends to retain a full vowel, remaining [o] > [ɔ]
(2) Morphological changes:
(2.1) The possessum case is supplanted by a dialectal form [ɐ], spelled "-ar".
(2.2) The definite case forms of words are supplanted by the indefinite, with definiteness optionally marked with a particle "thie" [ðɐi], which is much more emphatic than the the former definite; definiteness and indefiniteness now being far less-often distinguished;
(2.3) The suppletive copula is replaced by a regularised one, nonpast [ɔʉ], past ['ɔʉ.wɨn] ("are, arwen")
(3.1) Palatalisation, stage 1: before [i] [s ʃ] > [ɕ], [ç] > [ɕ], [z ʒ] > [ʑ]; retroflex nasals become plain, retroflex fricatives become coronals
(3.2) [jɨ] > [ɛ.i] > [ɐiə],
(3.3) Palatalisation, stage 2: in the same context, [k g] > [cɕ ɟʑ]
(3.4) Consonants preceding palatals are assimilated to them
(4.) Rhotic-Lateral Shift [r] > [l], [ɰ x] > [ʁ] > [ɹ], but [ɹ] > vowel length terminally (we cannot be uncouth, rhotic barbarians, after all)
(4.1) [v] > [w], but blocked by preceding consonants
(4.2) [ð] > [d], [z] > [s] initially, [dz] > [ts] > [st]
(4.3) [j] > [ɟʑ] where not perceived as an excrescence of [i], [ʃʃ] > [ss] > [s]
(4.4) after palatals, [ʊ ʉ] > [y]

The emendations of the Writers Against Unnecessary Letters meet with a revolt and are reversed under the influence of the Classical Spelling Society, which attempts something more broadly acceptable than what was before, albeit with just as much mistaken classicalisation:

[ˈwiɐ.lʉn ɨn dɐi ˈɟʑyʃ.ʃɨn wɔnsɐ ðɐi sɛɹɛnt ɹɛːt wʉɐ ˈˀkɐnsɨʃʉsɨt ðɐi 'ʑiɐstɛst mi'jɛttɨˌwi ˌɹɐmɨnˈswɔʉʃɨnnɛn ɨn ˈɕist.tɨ.wi ‖ wiɛ 'ɔʉ.wɨn ˈʃʉɐ.kɨk.sɨˌwiɛt wiɛ ɛnˈwɐʃɨˌtɛnsɨt 'wɛʉʃɨˌɕi ɛnt wʉˈsɐi.ə.ɕi | ˈhʉɐˌʃʉɐ tɛs'twok.kʃɨn | mɐʃ ˌtippʉɐˈswɔʉʃɨn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈmɐnʃ ɟʑyʃʃɐ ɟʑiɛ tʃɛʉ ʃəm'vɛtt | ɨɕɕiɐˈwɔʉʃɨn | ɛkkˈsɸʉɐʒə | tɨˈʒɐi | ɛnt ˈmɛɕc.cɕiɐ.wɛn]

Wriartlen in thies Lystrɨn wronsar thies sedrent dreerlt woare canssischrucet thies lyiestest miyettilwey draminswarschinnen in hyisttiwey. Wriar arwin schroarctixwiert wrye enwraschitencet wreorschiscey, wluciehescey, whoalschoare testwroxschin, masche tippoarswoarschinnen, ent emence lyurschar lyiere tew t'schambette, isschierwoarschin, ecksphorlya, tilyies, ent meschttschierwlen.

Oh, my, this is, umm... actually quite nice-looking, but at the same time horrible... It fills my confusing-orthography-loving face with smiles.

[bradrn]

My poor palatals can't ever last. Oh,well.

That’s entirely my fault; I don’t like palatals. In fact, I loathe palatals, especially when ignorant people try to contrast them with palatal-alveolars. That is why I destroy palatals when I see them; I wish to erase all palatals from the world! Death to all palatals!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-hããã!!!

(At this point I should probably be stroking a white cat or something while maniacally laughing, but all I have is a rather cute tabby who is currently sleeping. Ah well.)

Also, in case you’ve noticed, I don’t like [y] either. But in deference to your complaint, I have refrained from eliminating both palatals and [y] from your text.

[ˈwiɐ.lʉn ɨn dɐi ˈɟʑyʃ.ʃɨn wɔnsɐ ðɐi sɛɹɛnt ɹɛːt wʉɐ ˈˀkɐnsɨʃʉsɨt ðɐi 'ʑiɐstɛst mi'jɛttɨˌwi ˌɹɐmɨnˈswɔʉʃɨnnɛn ɨn ˈɕist.tɨ.wi ‖ wiɛ 'ɔʉ.wɨn ˈʃʉɐ.kɨk.sɨˌwiɛt wiɛ ɛnˈwɐʃɨˌtɛnsɨt 'wɛʉʃɨˌɕi ɛnt wʉˈsɐi.ə.ɕi | ˈhʉɐˌʃʉɐ tɛs'twok.kʃɨn | mɐʃ ˌtippʉɐˈswɔʉʃɨn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈmɐnʃ ɟʑyʃʃɐ ɟʑiɛ tʃɛʉ ʃəm'vɛtt | ɨɕɕiɐˈwɔʉʃɨn | ɛkkˈsɸʉɐʒə | tɨˈʒɐi | ɛnt ˈmɛɕc.cɕiɐ.wɛn]

1. Disappearance of preglottalisation
2. ʃ ʒ → ʂ ʐ
3. iɛ → iə, iV → jV, #wj → #uj; ʉV → wV, ww → uw
4. ɹ → ∅
5. ˈV₁jV₂C → ˈV₁jC
6. ‘Labial–velar chain shift’: ɸ w → ɸ β → p b; k kk → w k; c cɕ → k
7. Regressive voicing assimilation in newly-formed clusters (with some associated geminate shortening)

At this point, the government becomes sick of the revolving-door orthography and associated constant warfare between the various groups, and legislates the ‘Nyoo Funetik Alfabet Akt 2198’, criminalising ‘ol uttempts to wilfilee and malishuslee alter dhe speling ov dhe Ingglish Langwij’, to general acclaim. No further orthographical changes are attempted after this.

[ˈuj.lʉn ɨn dɐi ˈɟʑyʂ.ʂɨn bɔnsɐ ðɐi sɛ.ɛnt ɛːt ubɐ ˈwɐnsɨʂʉsɨt ðɐi 'ʑjɐstɛst mi'jɛttɨˌbi ˌɐmɨnˈzbɔʉʂɨnnɛn ɨn ˈɕist.tɨ.bi ‖ ujə 'ɔʉ.bɨn ˈʐbɐ.wɨw.sɨbˌjɛt ujə ɛnˈbɐʂɨˌtɛnsɨt 'bɛʉʂɨˌɕi ɛnt bʉˈsɐj.ɕi | ˈɦbɐˌʐbɐ tɛz'dbo.kʂɨn | mɐʂ ˌtibbɐˈzbɔʉʂɨn.nɛn | ɛnt ɛˈmɐnʂ ɟʑyʂʂɐ ɟʑjə tʂɛʉ ʂəm'vɛtt | ɨɕɕjɐˈbɔʉʂɨn | ɛɡˈzbɐʐə | tɨˈʐɐi | ɛnt ˈmɛɕk.kjɐ.bɛn]

Ujlʉn yn dai Djüṣṣyn Bonsa dhai Seent Eet Uba wansyṣʉsyt dhai zjastest mijettybi amynzbouṣynnen yn sjisttybi. Uyə oubyn ẓbawywsybjet uyə enbaṣytensyt beuṣysji ent bʉsajsji. Hbaẓba tezdbokṣyn, maṣ tibbazbouṣynnen, ent emanṣ djüṣṣa djə tṣeu ṣəmvett, yssjabouṣyn, egzbaẓə, tyẓai, ent mesjkkjaben.