Do you contrast BARD and BARRED?

[Travis B.]

Stuff like this makes me think that English varieties really are still drifting apart globally despite modern media and whatnot, because all of this besides vowel length allophony, which is probably a conservative feature rather than an innovation, is utterly alien to me as an NAE-speaker. Even conservative RP seems more familiar to me than does modern SSBE and like.

[jcb]

Stuff like this makes me think that English varieties really are still drifting apart globally despite modern media and whatnot, because all of this besides vowel length allophony, which is probably a conservative feature rather than an innovation, is utterly alien to me as an NAE-speaker. Even conservative RP seems more familiar to me than does modern SSBE and like.

Are you saying SSBE's vowel length allophony is conservative/original, or NAE's vowel length allophony is conservative/original?

Why yes it is. As a bonus fact, this length may¹ be best analysed as coda /ɹ/

Thinking about it, the SSBE's vowel length distinction is similar to the distinction I have between tense and lax vowels: /i e A o u/ are tense, and /I E { V U/ are lax. Tense vowels can appear before /r/, and lax vowels can't (except for /V/, after the BARD-BARRED split). Tense vowels can appear at the end of a word (but not /A/ if it's unstressed), and lax vowels can't (except for /V/). I didn't realize this at first, because the vowel groups for SSBE are so different from my own. Mine:

TRAP: /{/
STRUT: /V/
DRESS: /E/
LOT/CLOTH: /A/
KIT: /I/
FOOT: /U/

PALM: /V/ (Is there a map that shows where people still pronounce the /l/ in PALM, as I do?)
BATH: /{/
START: /V/ or /A/ (depending on how you analyze my BARD-BARRED split raising)
SQUARE: /e/
THOUGHT: /A/
NORTH/FORCE: /o/
NEAR: /i/
CURE: /i/
NURSE: /r=/

No, that would be much too simple. They have to make do with the analysis for 1960s RP, which practically noöne speaks and is particularly unsuitable for it

How does RP handle vowel length differently?

[Travis B.]

Stuff like this makes me think that English varieties really are still drifting apart globally despite modern media and whatnot, because all of this besides vowel length allophony, which is probably a conservative feature rather than an innovation, is utterly alien to me as an NAE-speaker. Even conservative RP seems more familiar to me than does modern SSBE and like.

Are you saying SSBE's vowel length allophony is conservative/original, or NAE's vowel length allophony is conservative/original?

That vowel length allophony in general is a conservative feature in English, as it is shared by both NAE and EngE.