"bro" is not a slur, bro, come on. it can be used pejoratively, of course, but so can, I don't know, "ghoul".
I think Nortaneous is spot-on in this. of course conservas and terfs believe in what we denote when we utter the word "gender": we denote "the set of social expectations that accrue to people on the basis of their perceived sex" or something like this. and yeah, they believe in those expectations, the difference is that they
believe in those social expectations in the sense of believing in god, whereas we believe in them in the sense of believing the germ theory of disease.
Additionally, our usage of gender is relatively new, and there are much older ways to use the word in other ways, like using it to just mean sex, or the set of people that are of some sex. the conservatives have not agreed to use gender the way we use it, and honestly fair enough to them, and this all leads to endless confusion and talking past each other.
but words are not just denotation. "terrorist" as a descriptor does not obtain on the basis of an actor or person fulfilling any objective set of criteria but at last also on whether or not one approves or disapproves of the person doing those things.
our glorious kingdom their dastardy tyranny and all the rest of it. same with genocide, same with a lot of words. "murder", "theft", etcetera.
when we say gender we connote, to be blunt, bullshit: gender is some silly thing some idiots came up with back in the day to opress people for the hell of it. i think this is the correct position, overall: we connote that there's no good reason people with cocks and balls can't wear dresses if they want, or change their name to Merlina, or piss in the women's toilets, or take off said cock and install a neovagina in its place. there's no reason why women have to do all of the household work, or make less money or whatever else, and there sure as hell isn't any good reason why people who feel the need to do things that go against those expectations should be hurt, or relegated to legal inferiority or be otherwise punished for it. well, they disagree with this connotation: just like we deny that taxation is theft not because of what theft denotes, but because of what theft connotes, so it is that they deny that gender exists cause of what we denote when we say it. we believe, with butler et all, that gender is performance: they do not. i think it really is that simple
this is of course what confuses me about terf gender 'abolitionism'. these debates are very much about details (olympic sports or whatever silly little thing) but to think methodically one must go in proper order. obviously the sexes have traditional roles attached to them: the basic fact is that trans people exist, i.e. that some people want to occupy the role traditionally assigned to the other sex. people's reaction to that is disapproval, approval or indifference, cause they either think gender is normative (i.e. we should behave as those expectations dictate and not switch) or they think that it's not (that no such duty exists, and that therefore changing roles is, while maybe unusual, sure, why not, go right ahead suzie... what? oh, sorry, go right ahead bob).