Thanks a lot rotting bones! More productivity-killers are coming, I'm afraid...
Marriage
Girls usually marry at 14 -- pretty late for Mesoamerica, and indeed for many premodern cultures -- men some years later, around 21, after schooling in
calmecac or
telpochcalli has given them 'a face, a heart' and 'a hear solid as a rock'.
Marriages are arranged by the fathers; indeed both extended families are consulted. Women elders serve as intermediaries. Marriage proposals are made as follows: elderly relatives of the groom-to-be show up at the bride's house and make the proposal to the girl's parents. The parents will refuse: they'll make quite a show of respect and grateful but the girl, they insist, is good for nothing, dumb all over and a little ugly on the side(*). After much pleasantries are exchanged, the intermediary leaves but, they say, they will be back the next day.
Much of the same happens on the next day. Foiled again, the intermediaries will be back.
A few days later, they come back, and again offer marriage. Once again, the parents will insist on the girls' characters faults; they truly feel sorry for the groom to be, but if he insists on marrying her, of course, they agree, and they can't believe their luck: they'd never have though their hopeless, lazy, good-for-nothing of a daughter could have ever hoped to marry such a fine young man (although is he quite right in the head, to be so smitten with such an ordinary girl?)
All of this is Nahua politeness in action. Of course the bride's parents think no such thing of their daughter! But to the Nahua, it's bad manners to brag and just to be sure, they'll go to the other extreme of self-abasement. An example of this: Moctezuma II reportedly offered his throne to Cortés (unwittingly providing him with a legal fig leaf for destroying an entire civilization). If he ever said so (we only have Cortés' word for it), he probably meant 'Bless your heart', in the Southern US acceptation of the phrase.
The Mexica tied the knot both figuratively and literally. The bride is carried to the grooms' home (his parents' place, really) on the back of one of the elder women who previously arranged for the match: carrying people on the back has strong ritual overtones, as we'll say when I get to the sacrifices.
Bride and groom sit on the same mat, in front of the hearth (three stones around a fire, serving as support for "pans" and pots). An offering of incense (in Mesoamerica, that meant
copal, fossilized resin) is made to Xiuhtecuhtli, the Turquoise Lord, the god of fire. (Also known as Huehueteotl, the Old God, he's really an aspect of the creator Dual God). Then the groom's cape is tied to the bride's clothes (
in cueitl, in huipilli , the skirt, the blouse. Also an example of
difrasismo a very common Nahuatl literary device where an idea -- here, womanhood -- is expressed by two of its qualities.)
Of course, a banquet is held; traditionally tamales are served(Very much like our own, though as befit the location in the middle of the lake, the menu could include frog or axolotl tamales). The elders get to make ponderous speeches and get very drunk on pulque.
The marriage isn't consummated right away. Instead the newly married are left in a room to fast, do penance and meditate. For that reason, it was common to hold another banquet on the fifth day as well.
A sidenote on those ponderous speeches. Much of what we know of Mexica society and values has been transmitted to us in the form of speeches (or sometimes, poetry, though the poetic aspect tends to be lost in translation). The Nahua valued oratory and eloquence greatly; to us it sometimes look like a whole lot of pontificating. We have to keep in mind, though, that Nahua writing was at the time in an intermediary stage between proto-writing and true writing. The elders are constently making speeches and giving sermons because it was by far the most important way to transmit culture, techniques and values.
Another sidenote on banquets: dinner parties were serious business indeed. Food was provided in abundance, as was pulque; you always ran the risk of offending a guest or worse, offending the god of banquets and ceremonies, Ome Acatl. (That is, Tezcatlipoca. Ome Acatl, 'Two Reed' is a calendar name; Two Reed is the god's "birthday', so to speak).
Dinner parties are displays of culture and wealth; in fact they were akin to a potlatch. My own personal analysis: they must have served several purposes: impressing, even humilitating the neighbors, reducing jealousy through distribution, and reducing inequalities by the huge expenses involved. The picture I get of the Mexica is that in spite of their wealth and stratified society, they still viewed themselves as austere, frugal and egalitarian hunter-gatherers.
Marital life
It's pretty hard to get a female perspective: we have Spanish sexism on top of Mexica sexism to account for; not to mention 20th century sexism at times (later scholarship tries its best). The husband is supposed to be 'the support, the remedy [...] the eagle, the jaguar', that is, a provider, with an expectation of self-sacrifice (the eagle and jaguar sacrificed themselves at the creation of the sun). He's supposed to be hard-working, and to educate his children, especially in terms of moral values.
The wife cares selflessly for her household. Her life is one of domestic work; she is indeed, 'the slave of everyone in the household'. Girls are trained to go to bed late, and rise early (with additonal midnight prayer time!). That's supposed to prepare them to nursing small children.
The whole extended family lives together; often in a set of small houses around a common courtyard. Society is patriarchal and patrilocal: ie. the wife usually lives with her husband's family. In a patriarchal and patrilocal society, the enforcer isn't the "patriach", who's busy in the fields or at war. The executive officers, so to speak, are mothers-in-law : Sahagún informs us that Mexica mothers-in-law keeps a discreet watch on her daughter-in-law and helped keep the children in line. (It's not just a Mesoamerican thing; judging from my grandmothers' experience, this was true in rural France as well.)
Polygamy
Polygamy was restricted to lords and kings, who could keep any number of concubines. They normally had one primary wife, though Moctezuma is said to have had two. One positive effect is the huge number of royal children, which meant Nahua kings never lacked possible heirs. In theory the most able one would be picked, although there were other considerations as well. (From Axayacatl on, succession alternated consistently between two branches of the royal family). Royal children were also encouraged to learn a trade too (goldsmith was deemed a good profession) which perhaps kept them a bit more grounded than princes usually are. I don't know, really, if that indeed gave better results. Nahua kings seem, on the whole, to have been a competent bunch but native chroniclers would say that, wouldn't they? Reports on the king we know the most about, Moctezuma II, are conflicted (Native reports: failed to take a single decision when foreign thugs with superior weaponry showed up, then collaborated with the enemy, my civilization ended up destroyed, one star out of five, would not recommend. Spanish reports: very nice dude, offered me his throne and gave me plenty of loot and women. Four stars out of five because of weird personal habits -- always talking to an invisible dude he calls 'Tezcatepuca' or something. PS: don't eat the pork chilli.) but he still omes across as charismatic and clever ruler, neither a megalomaniac nor a sociopath, which is more than can be said of most European kings.
For putative writers of dynastic intrigue: seriously consider polygamist rulers. Royal consorts ranged from princesses to ordinary commoners or slaves (those were concubines); which one of the princesses would be the primary wife (that is, the one whose children would continue the dynasty) was of utmost political importance. With often dramatic consequences.
To wit: Chalchiuhnenetzin (Jade Doll) was the primary wife of Nezahualpilli, king of Texcoco and the daughter of Axayacatl, a Mexica king. Axayacatl was succeeded by his brother Tizoc, who died, probably poisoned, a few years after. So Ahuitzotl, the uncle of Jade Doll became king. Ahuitzotl wasn't too fond of Axayacatl, and so Jade Doll was executed for adultery. The hope was that the primary wife would be a grandaughter of Tlacaelel (brother to Mexica kings and
cihuacoatl). That didn't happen, unfortunately. The king of Texcoco favoured instead another Tenocha; a noblewoman, but not of the imperial clan. Her son Huexotzincatzin became the heir apparent -- the custom of Texcoco being that sons succeeded their fathers, whereas in Mexica an uncle or brother was the heir. Too bad - he was accused of sleeping with one his father's concubine. Nezahualpilli had no wish to execute his son and heir, but his Mexica opposite number -- Moctezuma II himself! -- insisted on an exemplary trial.
Remember the granddaughter of Tlacaelel? Well, her son Cacamatzin became king of Texcoco. Not a good choice. The succession of Nezahualpilli got close to civil war: Huexotzincatzin (the heir Moctezuma had killed some year before) had full brothers. One of them, Ixtilxochitl would offer an alliance to Cortés a few years later.
With my sincerest apologies to C.S. Lewis: "it's worse than the War of the Roses."
Sex
For some reason, authors tend to imagine a wild sex life for the Mexica. Even the more reasonable ones put sacred prostitutes in. I'm not saying those didn't exist, I'm just saying I never found a trace of them in my own research. The conquistadors weren't happy enough with human sacrifice; they had to add pedophilia to the list of Mexica sins. Finally, there's Gary Jennings, and seriously what was wrong with the guy?
As far as I can see, the sober reality is an ideal of chastity and moderation. Nudity is shameful. Pre-marital sex is right out.
Adultery was severely punished; Nezahualcoyotl (king of Texcoco, father of Nezahualpilli and the ultimate model of the good Nahua king) had them, I believe, crushed under a heavy stone. Women adulterers, I should add, men were sentenced to hanging.
A familiar double standard applies: a woman is expected to be a virgin until marriage, to abstain from sex entirely after having had the requisite number of children, and to be entirely faithful to her husband. Men could stray a little: a male adulterer's real capital crime was sleeping with a married woman.
Polygamy was practiced, but it was for nobles and certainly not for uppity commoners. That exception aside, monogamy and fidelity were expected.
How seriously were these laws enforced? No idea. The two trials I know about: that of Chalchiuhnenetzin and of Huexotzincatzin were clearly high-profile political cases. Huexotzincatzin's only attested crime is
singing poems, The reports of Chalchiuhnenetzin's adultery are so over the top (they make for a very good horror vignette in
Aztec) that there's very little doubt they're complete fabrications.
Much is made of the fact that the goddess Xochiquetzal and her distaff counterpart Xochipilli are, among other attributes, the patron of
prostitution. Myself, I don't see what's so odd about it. Mary Magdalene wasn't a chartered accountant; medieval bishops owned brothels; corporations of prostitutes dedicated cathedral windows.
The evidence I've read is that prostitutes were held in very low esteem. They're deemed shameful women, 'shit whores' as the writers of the Florentine Codex delicately put it (in Nahuatl. The Spanish translations leaves out quite a bit of invective.)
Women shouldn't have illicit sex, period. Men should be careful about sex. The Florentine Codex uses the vivid though unsettling image of a maguey plant cut open for sap. Having sex too early robs a man of his virility; likewise too frequent sex squanders the... what exactly? I don't know, life force, life essence, precious bodily fluids? Female witches will make unsuspecting young men drink aphrodisiacs (some plants growing in the area do have such properties, I believe) and leave them empty and dry.
Finally, many festivals, ceremonies and momentous occasions require fasting and abstinence.
The rules are more lenient for commoners: Nahua society imposed a higher standard of behavior and more severe penances for nobles (a trend that runs counter to common practice in 'early civilizations', as Bruce Trigger defines them). Telpochcalli youths could have concubines -- we don't know about who these concubines were, but Jacques Soustelle interprets it as meaning that young people would live together but delay marriage until they could afford them (a marriage requires a banquet, sometimes two and a good Mexica banquet should leave the host completely broke).
Calmecac students lived as priests and had the same obligations, including complete chastity for male and female students. They had, in any case, penance and fasting to keep their minds off sex.
A form of penance, or trial by pain: slipping thorns in the penis, between skin and flesh. Supposedly a virgin can endure this without fainting.
Until recently, the commonly accepted view was that the Mexica were violently homophobic. That seems to be the topic of much current research, and unfortunately, many of my references are a little too old-fashioned. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that I can't say more about the subject.
There are hints that queers, transgenders might have had a place in Mexica society -- not a very prestigious one, but a place nonetheless. As for homosexual attraction, King Axayacatl, smitten by a poet, said to his wives: "Women, stand up and meet him, seat him among you. Here has come your rival." Camilla Townsend, who reports the story in
Fifth Sun, suggests that in Mexica society it may have been perfectly natural for a manly, manly man such as Axayacatl to be drawn to men.
but the Nahuatl text was the part on prostitutes in book 10. 
