Confusing headlines

[Linguoboy]

When I read that I wondered for sec just how does one manage to die due to one's lawn being on fire (unless one is, say, passed out drunk and lying in the middle of the lawn while it is aflame).

A lot of people die while trying to put out fires. They misestimate what it will take to quench them and don't take into account the effects of smoke inhalation (which is the actual cause of most fire-related deaths).

[Raphael]

Well, people die during prairie fires, too, and arguably, grass is grass...

[Travis B.]

When I read that I wondered for sec just how does one manage to die due to one's lawn being on fire (unless one is, say, passed out drunk and lying in the middle of the lawn while it is aflame).

A lot of people die while trying to put out fires. They misestimate what it will take to quench them and don't take into account the effects of smoke inhalation (which is the actual cause of most fire-related deaths).

For some reason I had the image in my head of a small, self-contained fire that happens to be in the middle of one's lawn (i.e. burning brush getting out of control) and the relative difficulty of escaping such a fire; of course, escaping a wildfire is a whole nother matter, and people do definitely die from those.

[zompist]

This was on Mastodon, so I don't know which news source.

GAY SEX IN THE VATICAN
HAS ‘NEVER BEEN
WORSE’ ACCORDING TO
TOP OFFICIAL

The person posting this asks, "Who wants to come to Italy with me, so that we can make gay sex in the Vatican better?"

[Ares Land]

That one made me laugh. Another reply was along these lines: "they should also have a bottom official."

[Arkasas]

31-Year-Old Colorado Woman Who Became Pregnant With 13-Year-Old Boy’s Baby To Avoid Jail Time Under Plea Deal

[Qwynegold]

I'm watching BBC News and this is on the TV screen:
England teaching unions to team up on strikes

31-Year-Old Colorado Woman Who Became Pregnant With 13-Year-Old Boy’s Baby To Avoid Jail Time Under Plea Deal

Huh, that one took a while to figure out. "To" is not marking purpose here, right?

[mocha]

6-Year-Old, Parents Shot by Man Angry Ball Rolled Into Yard: Cops

[Man in Space]

6-Year-Old, Parents Shot by Man Angry Ball Rolled Into Yard: Cops

Oof, that’s a trainwreck.

[Travis B.]

6-Year-Old, Parents Shot by Man Angry Ball Rolled Into Yard: Cops

Oof, that’s a trainwreck.

How does an angry ball roll a man into a yard?

[hwhatting]

How does an angry ball roll a man into a yard?

"The angry balls bring men to the yard, doo-doo doo-doo-doo..."

[mocha]

6-Year-Old, Parents Shot by Man Angry Ball Rolled Into Yard: Cops

Oof, that’s a trainwreck.

How does an angry ball roll a man into a yard?

Some kid lost a ball in someone's front yard. The kid and the parents went to retrieve the ball, only to be shot by the property owner (who was apparently angry about the ball rolling into his yard). And apparently the cops told the reporter this, hence ": cops".

[Travis B.]

Oof, that’s a trainwreck.

How does an angry ball roll a man into a yard?

Some kid lost a ball in someone's front yard. The kid and the parents went to retrieve the ball, only to be shot by the property owner (who was apparently angry about the ball rolling into his yard). And apparently the cops told the reporter this, hence ": cops".

The point of this thread isn't to discuss the intended meanings of headlines!

[mocha]

How does an angry ball roll a man into a yard?

Some kid lost a ball in someone's front yard. The kid and the parents went to retrieve the ball, only to be shot by the property owner (who was apparently angry about the ball rolling into his yard). And apparently the cops told the reporter this, hence ": cops".

The point of this thread isn't to discuss the intended meanings of headlines!

Oops. Well, pretend I never said anything. Actually, what I said was a lie. That's not the meaning of the headline. The meaning is... something else.

[Zju]

German surgeon fired after getting hospital cleaner to assist amputation

[Man in Space]

German surgeon fired after getting hospital cleaner to assist amputation

What did he do, flood the corridors with Listerine?

[Raphael]

Seems pretty clear what that that is about; what's less clear is just what that surgeon was thinking. Typical highly-specialized-and-important profession god complex?

[mocha]

Prison ordered for attempt to burn house on sex offender registration

[bradrn]

Prison ordered for attempt to burn house on sex offender registration

I reread this like five times and still couldn’t understand it until I read the article.

(Explanation:

More: show

‘Registration’ here is a noun, not a verb!

)

[Travis B.]

Prison ordered for attempt to burn house on sex offender registration

I reread this like five times and still couldn’t understand it until I read the article.

(Explanation:

More: show

‘Registration’ here is a noun, not a verb!

)

More: show

When I first read that, I thought that someone tried to burn their own house because they were registered as a sex offender, not that they tried to burn someone else's house due to it being marked as belonging to a sex offender.

More: show