Zompist Bboard Again

MacAnDàil wrote: ↑Fri Feb 04, 2022 7:16 am but once a parcel of books didn't arrive after more than half a year. So I asked the sender to send it again. And just after I asked them, I received both the first parcel and the second and had to pay to send back the second one.

Ouch!

Some really terrible news today. There has been blood in my urine all morning. It happen a bit last Sunday but went away so I dismissed it as a fluke. But now it's back and unmistakable as blood rather than dehydration or something. There are only two major causes I can see: a kidney stone or bladder cancer. So now I am facing the strange situation of hoping I have a kidney stone because the alternative is far worse.

Many will say that I've predicted my death dozens of times already and always been proven wrong, of course. Yet this symptom is considerably more concrete than vertigo or chest pain or something. I really don't know how to proceed since I can hardly afford cancer treatment. Is it even the agony of chemotherapy and surgery, months in the hospital, losing my job and thus all livelihood, for something with a low chance of success?

Go and see your doctor as soon as you can. Yes, it sounds alarming, but there may be a less serious explanation, and the sooner you get it seen to the better.

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 12:16 pm But now it's back and unmistakable as blood rather than dehydration or something. There are only two major causes I can see: a kidney stone or bladder cancer.

Or it could be chronic cystitis, which could easily be with you for thirty years or more. It's quite possible for the first symptoms to be the worst. You are right to be worried, though - you could be suspected of having cancer, which is probably quite expensive in the US.

Blood can be associated with pieces of skin in your urine, even though passing bits of skin is supposed to be nothing unusual in itself. A small amount of blood can colour a lot of urine.

Do drink a lot - peeing blood on an empty bladder is uncomfortable.

alice wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 1:41 pm Go and see your doctor as soon as you can. Yes, it sounds alarming, but there may be a less serious explanation, and the sooner you get it seen to the better.

This might sound obtuse, but there are numerous practical and especially financial considerations I must address before trying that. Even assuming the best case scenario where I beat cancer, the treatment required will leave me with lifelong debt. Spending months or more off work will probably get me laid off. Losing that income will get me evicted from not paying rent. The long gap in my resume and lack of marketable skills or references will make getting another job very difficult. The debt will ruin my credit rating and keep me from renting another apartment.

Considering everything I will lose from going to the doctor, I must first decide whether it even makes sense. What in my life motivates me to continue despite such extreme hardship? Is there any chance that I will achieve any of my dreams if I survive? How will I dig myself out of the financial hole after finishing treatment?

Man, sorry to hear that. That's an awfully stressful thing to happen. Go see a doctor as soon as possible, in any case you want it checked out.
It could be any number of things -- a very common cause is a urinary tract infection; annoying but easily treated.

Hope things get better soon!

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 3:09 pm This might sound obtuse, but there are numerous practical and especially financial considerations I must address before trying that.

No there aren't. You are catastrophizing again, and this pattern has never helped you.

Look, there are other possible causes, including an infection. Refusing to treat an infection because it might be cancer is self-sabotage.

See your doctor.

Also-- yes, you're anxious about it, and that's understandable. There is no upside to continuing to not know, and there is a downside to not going to the doctor.

According to Wikipedia, cystitis generally involves pain in the bladder region and it doesn't really hurt for the most part. Bladder cancer by contrast often lacks pain. I realize nobody likes me clogging up the forum with my personal problems. But before signing up for months of chemo and surgery, I need to know whether I will even have a future after recovery. It will make the whole process easier for me if I feel confident that I am not signing my life away even with the best outcome.

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 8:43 pm According to Wikipedia, cystitis generally involves pain in the bladder region and it doesn't really hurt for the most part. Bladder cancer by contrast often lacks pain. I realize nobody likes me clogging up the forum with my personal problems. But before signing up for months of chemo and surgery, I need to know whether I will even have a future after recovery. It will make the whole process easier for me if I feel confident that I am not signing my life away even with the best outcome.

There is a reason why people don’t advise listening to Doctor Google. The same applies to Doctor Wikipedia. I would ignore any worrisome things you can see on there — they probably will be wrong.

Or, if you want a personal example: recently I had a blood test. It told me that I had Gilbert Syndrome. Wikipedia says it can cause jaundice, depression and a bunch of other miscellaneous horrible things which require horrible and expensive treatments, I’m sure. But the doctor assures me that I’m fine and I won’t need any of this.

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 12:16 pm There has been blood in my urine all morning.

Go see a doctor. You probably need antibiotics.

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 8:43 pm I realize nobody likes me clogging up the forum with my personal problems.

That would be fine, but your personal problem is blood in the urine, and the answer to that is go to a doctor.

It's normal to be worried about possible outcomes, but to treat them as established facts that you must deal with is just a depressing form of self-abuse. You've expressed your worries; now make an appointment and tell us afterward what you learn.

And don't forget that doing an internet search for virtually any symptom will turn up numerous results referring to unpleasant, incurable, and potentially fatal diseases, most or all of which are very likely red herrings. We've all been there.

malloc wrote: ↑Tue Feb 08, 2022 8:43 pm But before signing up for months of chemo and surgery, I need to know whether I will even have a future after recovery. It will make the whole process easier for me if I feel confident that I am not signing my life away even with the best outcome.

Now, let's even assume that you will be diagnosed with cancer - it will still be your decision if you want to get treatment. Nobody will drag you into chemo or surgery kicking and screaming. So going to the doctor only has upsides - you either will know that it's something harmless, or you will know instead of just guessing, and you will then know what your prospects and available alternatives for treatment or non-treatment are. Just sitting there and worrying like you do now is by far the worse alternative. (For some people, ignorance is bliss, but from your posts, it doesn't look like it is for you.)

I very vaguely remember being told by a doctor that there was blood in my urine once during my childhood. I think it was some kind of infection. Or something.

Unrelated, very minor and trivial vent: It turns out that Wordpress (with the package deal I have) will tell you when your blog got a visit from someone who got there through a search engine, but won't tell you which search terms they had used. Whose idea was that?

Raphael wrote: ↑Wed Feb 09, 2022 10:50 am Unrelated, very minor and trivial vent: It turns out that Wordpress (with the package deal I have) will tell you when your blog got a visit from someone who got there through a search engine, but won't tell you which search terms they had used. Whose idea was that?

Probably Google's. I am guessing that Wordpress can see that that the page is being fetched via Google in non-bot mode, but not much more.

So my current crush is now my former crush. We've been working on staying friends and actually had planned to meet this weekend over brunch to "hash it out" (his words) but now he's suddenly stopped talking to me. I had just started to feel comfortable sharing some things I'd been afraid to tell him for months now and I thought I was doing so in a considerate way that wouldn't overwhelm him but I guess I was wrong. I know at this point I should probably just walk away and see if he chooses to come back but that's something I'm really really bad at. If this the end of my association with him, I'd just like a little closure.

Linguoboy wrote: ↑Wed Feb 09, 2022 11:52 am So my current crush is now my former crush. We've been working on staying friends and actually had planned to meet this weekend over brunch to "hash it out" (his words) but now he's suddenly stopped talking to me. I had just started to feel comfortable sharing some things I'd been afraid to tell him for months now and I thought I was doing so in a considerate way that wouldn't overwhelm him but I guess I was wrong. I know at this point I should probably just walk away and see if he chooses to come back but that's something I'm really really bad at. If this the end of my association with him, I'd just like a little closure.

I'm sorry that happened. I can kind of relate, but only in the context of making friends. I strike up a friendship, but they start ignoring me. That's a repeating pattern in my life.

Haven't noticed any blood since Tuesday although my urine looks darker than recommended with an amber color. Apart from that, I am worried about my taxes. I had to guess on one of the items (ESL3 in box 14) and there is quite a high probability that I got it wrong and will face prison time. Oh yeah, I have no idea how much interest I earned on my savings account, though probably no more than several dollars, but I have to declare that as well it seems. Given that I face either death or bankruptcy in the near future anyway, it seems silly to worry about such things.

In "things I didn't think were possible until they happened", my bike tire decided it hated life and came loose from the frame on Tuesday night, conveniently while I was biking back from the university. As in, the rubber tire popped out of the frame and so did the inner tube, rendering my bike inoperable. Great! And I didn't have the tools to fix the bike on hand, so I had to "carry" my bike back to my apartment. Uphill. About two kilometers.

Still recovering from that "fun" adventure, which is (among other reasons) probably why I'm hurting all over. I did take this as a sign to finally upgrade my bike (after thinking about it for perhaps way too long), so now I have a new bike in my apartment ready to hit the road, but I need to figure out what to do with the old bike... if nothing else, it can be a spare bike for when I host guests.