The Contradictory Feelings Thread

[Linguoboy]

As far as I'm concerned, it's just an office building.

I think it's a pretty old thing. The furniture and design are really very nice, from what I can see. I like pretty old things. Don't break my pretty old things that are expensive to repair when I want my tax money spent on other things. Also, wipe your feet and don't break windows. Also don't make the office carpets dirty. If you're going to be right wing, at least be one of those pleasant evil people.

No joke, I feel like so much of the criticism leveled at Trump, his enablers, and his followers is more aesthetic than ideological. Yeah, he's a boorish cad with no class who treats everyone around him--including his wife--with contempt and talks like a potty-mouthed fourth-grader, but I fundamentally don't care about that. I care that while acting boorishly he commits crimes. And I care even less what his wife wore (or didn't) or what she did to the Rose Garden, only she's helped enable his crimes. And so on down the line. The tone of the complaints just reinforces my fears that if fascism came dressed like Don Draper, most people would be okay with it. (I mean, just look at how Dubya--who at least knows where to find suits that fit--has been rehabilitated since his term ended.)

And I'm already worried that Biden's going to get a pass on a whole slate of things he shouldn't (I'm already resigned to "closing the child concentration camps" becoming the "shutting down Guantanamo" of his term) just for being Not Trump and that's only helped by people gushing over how articulate he is! What an educated wife! And they have a dog! Okay, fine, but can we talk about shooting protesters in the legs? Or about staffing your transition team with lobbyists for Amazon and Uber? Or any of the thousand other concerns I have way more important than how much golf he plays or what he'd serve basketball players for lunch?

[Rounin Ryuuji]

As far as I'm concerned, it's just an office building.

I think it's a pretty old thing. The furniture and design are really very nice, from what I can see. I like pretty old things. Don't break my pretty old things that are expensive to repair when I want my tax money spent on other things. Also, wipe your feet and don't break windows. Also don't make the office carpets dirty. If you're going to be right wing, at least be one of those pleasant evil people.

No joke, I feel like so much of the criticism leveled at Trump, his enablers, and his followers is more aesthetic than ideological. Yeah, he's a boorish cad with no class who treats everyone around him--including his wife--with contempt and talks like a potty-mouthed fourth-grader, but I fundamentally don't care about that.

That was actually sarcasm, except about the building being a pretty old thing. I do like those.

I care that while acting boorishly he commits crimes. And I care even less what his wife wore (or didn't) or what she did to the Rose Garden, only she's helped enable his crimes. And so on down the line. The tone of the complaints just reinforces my fears that if fascism came dressed like Don Draper, most people would be okay with it. (I mean, just look at how Dubya--who at least knows where to find suits that fit--has been rehabilitated since his term ended.)

I'm on the fence about which was the worst president. Bush Jr. was a foreign policy apocalypse who dragged the United States into the morass of meaningless interventions in which we're still involved to this day (and was horrible on the domestic front — no I will not go into the closet, I've spent enough time in Narnia already), but Trump has been, in addition to being a criminal, a domestic policy abortion; one did more damage abroad, the other has done more damage at home.

And I'm already worried that Biden's going to get a pass on a whole slate of things he shouldn't (I'm already resigned to "closing the child concentration camps" becoming the "shutting down Guantanamo" of his term) just for being Not Trump and that's only helped by people gushing over how articulate he is! What an educated wife! And they have a dog! Okay, fine, but can we talk about shooting protesters in the legs? Or about staffing your transition team with lobbyists for Amazon and Uber? Or any of the thousand other concerns I have way more important than how much golf he plays or what he'd serve basketball players for lunch?

I held my nose and voted for Biden. I wanted Sanders. I would've been decently happy with Yang (I also thought he was cute, though, if I'm honest). I would settle for Warren — Queen of Waffling and Silliness that she is, her heart is in the right place, even when her brain (an admittedly much more important organ) isn't. I do think people are too quick to praise him. Obama was an... okay president, retrospectively. He seemed very nice after growing up mostly under Bush Jr. and the disaster that he was (have I mentioned I hate the Electoral College?), though looking backwards, he was kind-of a disappointment.

[Linguoboy]

That was actually sarcasm, except about the building being a pretty old thing. I do like those.

Hence why I said, "No joke."

I'm on the fence about which was the worst president. Bush Jr. was a foreign policy apocalypse who dragged the United States into the morass of meaningless interventions in which we're still involved to this day (and was horrible on the domestic front — no I will not go into the closet, I've spent enough time in Narnia already), but Trump has been, in addition to being a criminal, a domestic policy abortion; one did more damage abroad, the other has done more damage at home.

I think that's very arguable given how much Trump opposed internationalism, alienating our allies and withdrawing from international agreements on a whim if he thought it would play to his base. US favorability ratings abroad have hit record lows. We've lost a great deal of soft power and we'll be lucky to regain even a portion of it.

Obama was an... okay president, retrospectively. He seemed very nice after growing up mostly under Bush Jr. and the disaster that he was (have I mentioned I hate the Electoral College?), though looking backwards, he was kind-of a disappointment.

He was a disappointment at the time. But given recent events, his decision not to prosecute any of Bush's cronies for their crimes in the name of national reconciliation is looking more ill-advised than ever.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

That was actually sarcasm, except about the building being a pretty old thing. I do like those.

Hence why I said, "No joke."

As the kids say, "Oh, derp."

I'm on the fence about which was the worst president. Bush Jr. was a foreign policy apocalypse who dragged the United States into the morass of meaningless interventions in which we're still involved to this day (and was horrible on the domestic front — no I will not go into the closet, I've spent enough time in Narnia already), but Trump has been, in addition to being a criminal, a domestic policy abortion; one did more damage abroad, the other has done more damage at home.

I think that's very arguable given how much Trump opposed internationalism, alienating our allies and withdrawing from international agreements on a whim if he thought it would play to his base. US favorability ratings abroad have hit record lows. We've lost a great deal of soft power and we'll be lucky to regain even a portion of it.

True; I was more thinking of how Bush Jr. actively harmed other human beings, however.

Obama was an... okay president, retrospectively. He seemed very nice after growing up mostly under Bush Jr. and the disaster that he was (have I mentioned I hate the Electoral College?), though looking backwards, he was kind-of a disappointment.

He was a disappointment at the time. But given recent events, his decision not to prosecute any of Bush's cronies for their crimes in the name of national reconciliation is looking more ill-advised than ever.

As does anything Biden might not do.

[Linguoboy]

Also having contradictory feelings about the FBI finding so many willing volunteers to help them ID Capitol rioters. If they'd shown a fraction of the interest they've demonstrated in monitoring and harassing left-wing protesters into combating right-wing terror, the riot would never have happened. I already hated being put in a position of being supporting of the efforts of the FBI because it was one of the few institutional loci of resistance to Trump over the last four years.

Similarly, a lot of folks I know are filled with schadenfreude about the rioters ending up on the no-fly list, but all I can think about is how that list has been abused for nearly two decades to harass innocent people--mostly Muslims and other minorities--with no real accountability. It's not suddenly a good thing just because our enemies are on there, too.

[Raphael]

I've spent the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, engaging in 1990s nostalgia to what is probably an unhealthy extent. It started when I reread a book that I had read partially back then, and then I consumed some other entertainment that made me think of the time.

It's kinda weird - I was growing up back then, but I didn't exactly enjoy growing up. But somehow I seem to get sucked into seeing everything through a nostalgia filter that shows me only the few things I liked about life at the time.

Anyway, I'm not at all sure that it's good for me to spend so much time focused on the past.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

I've spent the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, engaging in 1990s nostalgia to what is probably an unhealthy extent. It started when I reread a book that I had read partially back then, and then I consumed some other entertainment that made me think of the time.

It's kinda weird - I was growing up back then, but I didn't exactly enjoy growing up. But somehow I seem to get sucked into seeing everything through a nostalgia filter that shows me only the few things I liked about life at the time.

Anyway, I'm not at all sure that it's good for me to spend so much time focused on the past.

I think nosalgia can be a beautiful thing. Certainly, things have never been perfect, but, looking backwards, and finding you did have fond things about the past, can, I think, help to preserve what was good about it while letting the bad stay where it belongs. Of course, it can be simpler than that, I think — it's only natural to like things that are comfortable to you, even if when you first encountered them wasn't the best; sometimes, things now nostalgic to you might've helped you through a period that was not so great (I didn't have a particularly rough childhood — it was positively charmed by the standards of a great deal of what I hear — but there was a degree of emotional neglect, and being the not-favoured sibling, so I have a huge amount of nostalgia for anything into which I could retreat then).

[Raphael]

Thank you, Rounin Ryuuji, that perspective really helps.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

I should probably state my bias, however: I am a great fan of nostalgic things.

[Linguoboy]

My cat went missing for about half an hour today. The back door was open and he was nowhere to be found. Since he's never left the yard before--when he does get out, he usually just sniffs around a bit until some loud noise scares him back inside--I was convinced someone had snatched him. Maybe something did scare him, but as it turned out he was hiding downstairs and didn't come out any of the times I called or went looking. Naturally I'm full of relief that he's okay but I really wish the whole ordeal could have been avoided somehow. (Needless to say, he's never getting out of my sight again.)

[zyxw59]

(cw: COVID-19)

More: show

In my apartment building, there are two other apartments with people in my general social circles, "A" and "B". For most of the pandemic, they have been podding together, but since "B" hasn't been willing to take certain precautions, like maintaining a closed bubble, my apartment has not interacted with them ("A" has been willing to keep to our standards, and podded with us for a bit when "B" was higher-risk due to holiday travel). A couple days ago, our highest-risk person became fully-vaccinated, and we opened up to podding with "A" (since outside of their interactions with "B", they were within our standards).

Today, someone from "B" tested positive for COVID. On the one hand, this sucks, since they are within my general social circles and anyone getting COVID is sad.

But on the other hand, I really want to tell everyone at "B" (who have had a cavalier attitude about the pandemic) a big "I TOLD YOU SO"...

[Travis B.]

One thing that I don't like about being involved in my own software development is how quickly I move from being really happy I am about getting something accomplished and getting code released to getting bored due to having already accomplished what I had wanted to do and having to find something else to work on (and often what I do think needs doing is significant non-trivial, which makes it hard to just go and do it), so things become a constant cycle of trying to find and implement new things just to stave off boredom. Like right now the main thing that is a low-hanging fruit is implementing anonymous modules; after that, fixing an issue with the search order for modules is doable. But the big things I have been putting off, implementing support for the flexible memory controller and for the TFT touchscreen on the STM32F746 DISCO are things that I have been putting off specifically because they are big, and also because they are device-specific, so they do not benefit all the supported platforms. And the biggest thing I have slated to do at some date, porting zeptoforth to the Numworks calculator, I am afraid to do because I am worried I will brick the calculator, and it's a quite nice calculator, so it'd be a shame if I bricked it.

[Linguoboy]

It is odd being a paper millionaire when almost all your friends are socialists.

[malloc]

Despite having many troubling health issues over the past few months, I feel strangely unmotivated to address them. Fundamentally, my life just feels so hollow and crappy that the prospect of looming death has lost its impact. I have no friends, everyone from the ZBB to my workplace regards me with contempt, the Left soundly rejects me despite years of seeking their affiliation, and so forth. Given all that, the struggle to stay alive feels genuinely pointless.

[Travis B.]

It is odd being a paper millionaire when almost all your friends are socialists.

Are you a member of the capitalist or petit-bourgeois classes? (Being a capitalist does not depend on how much money you have on paper per se.)

[Ares Land]

Despite having many troubling health issues over the past few months, I feel strangely unmotivated to address them. Fundamentally, my life just feels so hollow and crappy that the prospect of looming death has lost its impact. I have no friends, everyone from the ZBB to my workplace regards me with contempt, the Left soundly rejects me despite years of seeking their affiliation, and so forth. Given all that, the struggle to stay alive feels genuinely pointless.

Hey, man, this all sounds like clinical depression and while I do know this sounds impossible right now, you can address it and you don't have to feel that way.
I don't think people here regard you with contempt. FWIW I don't.

It is odd being a paper millionaire when almost all your friends are socialists.

Quick! Go lecture them on self-reliance and work ethics!

One million dollars is tiny these days though; it's about equivalent to a correct pension plan plus a decent apartment.

[Linguoboy]

It is odd being a paper millionaire when almost all your friends are socialists.

Are you a member of the capitalist or petit-bourgeois classes? (Being a capitalist does not depend on how much money you have on paper per se.)

Technically, yes, given that most of that wealth is in the form of investments. In addition to stocks and bonds, I also have a lot invested in real estate funds so technically I also belong to the landlord class. I guess my 9-5 job (at a private university though) is all that prevents me from being a complete parasite.

One million dollars is tiny these days though; it's about equivalent to a correct pension plan plus a decent apartment.

Right? I think it's one reason why that feels so odd to say. $1,000,000 means that I may actually live long enough to retire and survive a major health crisis or two without bankruptcy. (Of course, that's assuming my mother hasn't mismanaged her funds to badly she needs bailed out and we can find some decent long-term care when the time comes that won't cost a small fortune.) Yet all my life it's been a magic number to say. "What would you do if you had a million dollars?" has always been a prompt to engage in flights of fancy involving castles and islands and celebrities when really the answer turns out to be "Same thing I've always done just with somewhat less anxiety".

[Linguoboy]

Despite having many troubling health issues over the past few months, I feel strangely unmotivated to address them. Fundamentally, my life just feels so hollow and crappy that the prospect of looming death has lost its impact. I have no friends, everyone from the ZBB to my workplace regards me with contempt, the Left soundly rejects me despite years of seeking their affiliation, and so forth. Given all that, the struggle to stay alive feels genuinely pointless.

If you are considering self-harm, please seek help immediately. The number of the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 800-273-8255. You can also text the Crisis Text Line operated by the Missouri Suicide Prevention Network.

The important thing to keep in mind is that you're not alone. A lot of people are feeling this way right now. The pandemic took a huge toll on everyone's mental health, which was taxed enough already.

Longer term, it strikes me that everything you mention in your post--friends, the ZBB, your workplace, the Left--has to do with seeking validation from external sources. I don't mean to minimise the value of that--we all need some to survive--but it's far from the be-all end-all. If your external sources are failing you, you need to look at internal sources. What, fundamentally, gives your life meaning? What sources of joy do you have which aren't dependent on the approval of other people? For me, it's things like my passion for learning, which I engage in constantly whether or not others are impressed or even notice. You must have some of that in you, too, given the kinds of questions you've asked here before. Maybe you simply need some new sources of inspiration.

[Vijay]

I don't regard you with contempt, either, malloc. I don't know you too well, but you seem nice enough to me.

Since I don't really have my own bank account (it's shared with my dad since neither of us spends much anyway, although I did have a bank account of my own in Taiwan where my employer would deposit my monthly paycheck), I probably am technically a paper millionaire also and don't have any redeeming qualities. Housing seems so expensive I think a million dollars is probably way too little for some parts of the country.

[Travis B.]

It is odd being a paper millionaire when almost all your friends are socialists.

Are you a member of the capitalist or petit-bourgeois classes? (Being a capitalist does not depend on how much money you have on paper per se.)

Technically, yes, given that most of that wealth is in the form of investments. In addition to stocks and bonds, I also have a lot invested in real estate funds so technically I also belong to the landlord class. I guess my 9-5 job (at a private university though) is all that prevents me from being a complete parasite.

One million dollars is tiny these days though; it's about equivalent to a correct pension plan plus a decent apartment.

Right? I think it's one reason why that feels so odd to say. $1,000,000 means that I may actually live long enough to retire and survive a major health crisis or two without bankruptcy. (Of course, that's assuming my mother hasn't mismanaged her funds to badly she needs bailed out and we can find some decent long-term care when the time comes that won't cost a small fortune.) Yet all my life it's been a magic number to say. "What would you do if you had a million dollars?" has always been a prompt to engage in flights of fancy involving castles and islands and celebrities when really the answer turns out to be "Same thing I've always done just with somewhat less anxiety".

I would not call having money invested something that makes one a capitalist or petit-bourgeois, since those things are about one's relationship with workers and with the means of production. Plenty of people have 401K's that in no fashion make them capitalist or petit-bourgeois.