The Contradictory Feelings Thread

[Ares Land]

Welcome back! (And I hope next year will be less stressful for you...)

[Vijay]

I think I'm fine, but my stomach and head feel a bit odd at the moment. I hope I didn't just poison myself with food again.

[doctor shark]

I just pressed submit for a grant application with the Dutch National Science Organization. I feel better about this one than I did the one I tried in September, but the fact that there's normally no response for several months is always a bit nerve-wracking for me, and I'm also feeling a bit mentally drained after that last rush to get the thing handed in before the deadline...

[Raphael]

Good Luck!

[Ryusenshi]

Good news: my grandmother has finally found a place in a retirement home. She's increasingly unable to take care of herself, so that's a huge relief.

Bad news: now we have to clean her old apartment... and it won't be easy. She's a compulsive hoarder.

[Vijay]

Talking to an old friend from UniLang lmao is lots of fun, but fucking Google Hangouts! Stop blasting my ears every goddamn time he writes! Also, old friend...how much of your day exactly are you planning on spending with me?

[MacAnDàil]

Good news: my grandmother has finally found a place in a retirement home. She's increasingly unable to take care of herself, so that's a huge relief.

Bad news: now we have to clean her old apartment... and it won't be easy. She's a compulsive hoarder.

At least you can get some free stuff~~

[Ryusenshi]

Very little, unfortunately. Most of it is old magazines, ad leaflets, old clothes, or random junk nobody wants. The furniture is old and won't survive being moved. The few useful items (TV, fridge) will be kept for the retirement home.

[Vijay]

A friend is willing to pay me to translate an article from Spanish into English. I think she already translated it herself but just wants a second opinion (and is paying me mostly as a favor). Now if only I could get off my ass and actually do it...

[Linguoboy]

So on the one hand it was awesome to get out this past weekend to meet up with friends I hadn't seen in a long long time, hang out in the fresh air, and eat encased meats again. But on the other hand it made me confront how I still don't feel like I come off in social situations the way I want to and end up alienating people I want to like me. Today I'm worn out and poorly slept and the negative feelings are dominating but I'm hoping that they'll ebb in the coming days and I'll be able to focus more on the things that went well.

[Ares Land]

But on the other hand it made me confront how I still don't feel like I come off in social situations the way I want to and end up alienating people I want to like me.

There's a bit of wisdom I heard once. I don't know if it'll help, but it helped me in the past (and, in fact, still helps me): everyone feels that way, really, except for the sociopaths.

[Rounin Ryuuji]

That is comforting.

[Linguoboy]

But on the other hand it made me confront how I still don't feel like I come off in social situations the way I want to and end up alienating people I want to like me.

There's a bit of wisdom I heard once. I don't know if it'll help, but it helped me in the past (and, in fact, still helps me): everyone feels that way, really, except for the sociopaths.

This is the sort of wisdom that's helpful but only on a very basic level. Everyone experiences self-doubt but narcissists, everyone feels unloved sometimes, etc. This doesn't really tell me how not to go into social situations alienating people.

That's why I even appreciated some of the negative feedback I got. A lot of ribbing is "half in jest, full in earnest" and at least gives you an idea what things you do people have a problem with (though it's still up to you figure out how to change those things--if, in fact, you decide they're worth trying to change). A one point, I was speaking self-deprecatingly about the trouble I'd put one of our hosts through and one of my friends was like, "Yeah, you did that to us too, now we know to be ready for it." It was simultaneously a gentle corrective and also a way of saying, "despite your flaws, we still value having you around".

[Ares Land]

Looks like it's time to update my resume again.

On some level I don't really want to switch jobs; I like the projects I'm working on a lot.
On other level, I need to get out ASAP because honestly, working there is seriously starting to threaten my sanity.

[Raphael]

Well, good luck to you. I hope something works out somehow.

[Ares Land]

Thanks!

[MacAnDàil]

Indeed, good luck! Hope you find a job with good projects and good for your mental health!

[Rounin Ryuuji]

It seems like you already know what you need to do. Best of luck with it.

[Vijay]

I've been reading a lot of books lately since I currently have so much time on my hands. I want more, and my dad seems interested in buying me more, but he hasn't actually done it yet. However, I'm also on Discord, which can be annoying at times. My relationship with my dad currently seems to be okay, but problems still occasionally pop up in the form of minor arguments over the most trivial things.

[Linguoboy]

I always have mixed feelings about attending Pride North, a popular street festival in my neighbourhood. The advantages are clear: It's close by, it's easy to leave when I've had enough, and lots of my friends attend. The disadvantages are also clear: The organiser is a greedy sumbitch, the food and drink options are few and overpriced, and it skews awfully white and male for an event in one of the most diverse parts of a diverse city.

This year the balance just about tipped in favour of me not going when I learned that the "suggested donation" was an eye-watering $20. (For comparison, Market Days, the most popular street fair in the city, charged $10 in 2019 for an event with scores of vendors and several music stages featuring nationally-known talent. Moreover, a portion of that goes to charity. This year they apparently intend to charge $15, but we'll see if that remains the case after the backlash to Pride North calms down.) Fortunately, I know that they can't legally charge me anything and I decided in advance I wasn't going to pay more than $10.

That was before I learned that those staffing the entrance deliberately obfuscated the fact that the fee they were charging is entirely voluntary and reportedly turned away folks who wouldn't pay it. I still enjoy the event and hope it continues, but I really wish someone else would take it over at this point.