The Contradictory Feelings Thread

[Nachtswalbe]

One conflict I have is whether marriage (and the preceding forms of relationship) ought to be characterized by 1) sexual attraction, 2) the romantic attraction (the 'feeling' of being in love) or 3a) a mutual set of duties and reciprocal interactions that gets necessary tasks done, and 3b) prevents one side from dominating the other.
My viewpoint is something like 2)+3a)+3b). My mom who spent most of my childhood and college years without being full-time employed stresses 3a) on the grounds just 1) is silly, most folks are not movie stars/models in attractiveness 2) that feelings of love(TM) disappear, and 3b) is defacto impossible especially if one partner simply is/becomes more competent in terms of managing household finances, teaching the kids etc., so it's 3a) with some klɔ́r at family members.

[zompist]

My mom [...] it's 3a) with some klɔ́r at family members.

If that's the case, I suspect your parents' marriage is going to get bad once they're empty-nesters.

I think the number 1 need, and the one you'll never see discussed in movies, is a way of resolving arguments. A way that isn't one partner always ceding to the other. That in turn is needed for your (3), getting the tasks of daily living done in a satisfactory way. Love can get you past some of the arguments, but not for decades on end.

But love should be there too, or else why bother?

[Richard W]

But love should be there too, or else why bother?

It's claimed that most people recover from love, though it takes a few years.

[Man in Space]

I am deadass about to try and learn Sanskrit on account of a woman.

This is the nerdiest and saddest thing I have ever heard of.

EDIT: And I have now been given an even better/worse idea: Rewriting My Immortal in the style of the Vedas.

[Linguoboy]

I don't know exactly what was said, as I obviously was not there, and I can read neither Linguoboy's nor Linguoboy's friend's minds, but Linguoboy didn't say that he explicitly suggested they include a more diverse group of people, just that they have more people. If Linguoboy had suggested the former, and that was turned down, then one could argue more strongly that colorism was at work. Of course it seems from his post here that Linguoboy might have been trying to subtly hint at the former while saying the latter, but such hints are easily missed.

Mark said exactly what I would have: The path to exclusion is paved with innocent intentions. No, my friend didn't set out to intentionally exclude POC from his project; he just made no effort at all to include them. As Mark says, this is how exclusion and racism is perpetuated: By not thinking to ask who's not in the room and then asking why they aren't in the room. Not noticing that your "diverse" group is not, in fact, diverse is the very root of the problem.

I wasn't the only one to notice this, btw. My Chilean friend did, too, and was going to bring up the subject with our mutual friend as well. I tried to the next time we ran into each other. He said he'd probably do two more calls for models and although I didn't explicitly say "You need to include some POC" I did have a chance to suggest some of our POC mutuals by name. I think I'm still being too tentative though.

[Travis B.]

I don't know exactly what was said, as I obviously was not there, and I can read neither Linguoboy's nor Linguoboy's friend's minds, but Linguoboy didn't say that he explicitly suggested they include a more diverse group of people, just that they have more people. If Linguoboy had suggested the former, and that was turned down, then one could argue more strongly that colorism was at work. Of course it seems from his post here that Linguoboy might have been trying to subtly hint at the former while saying the latter, but such hints are easily missed.

Mark said exactly what I would have: The path to exclusion is paved with innocent intentions. No, my friend didn't set out to intentionally exclude POC from his project; he just made no effort at all to include them. As Mark says, this is how exclusion and racism is perpetuated: By not thinking to ask who's not in the room and then asking why they aren't in the room. Not noticing that your "diverse" group is not, in fact, diverse is the very root of the problem.

I wasn't the only one to notice this, btw. My Chilean friend did, too, and was going to bring up the subject with our mutual friend as well. I tried to the next time we ran into each other. He said he'd probably do two more calls for models and although I didn't explicitly say "You need to include some POC" I did have a chance to suggest some of our POC mutuals by name. I think I'm still being too tentative though.

I would be more clear about that you'd desire a more diverse set of people involved, because just trying to hint it is liable to be missed. However, suggesting some POC mutuals by name is a definite good start.

[Raphael]

So, according to my doctor, some of the muscles in my upper back are a bit too tense, and I should move them more in order to relax them.

[Travis B.]

Apparently there is a major bug in the USB implementation for zeptoforth on the RP2040... and yet somehow it miraculously works nonetheless. Also, I have people dedicated enough to zeptoforth to dig through my code (and my documentation!) and find bugs that I had completely missed for me, unsolicited. I love that there are people who care enough about zeptoforth to do such things, but at the same time I wish zeptoforth didn't have such bugs! (Of course, (almost) all software has bugs somewhere...)

[alice]

Of course, (almost) all software has bugs somewhere...

The first rule of software: the software which does not have bugs is not the true software.

[Travis B.]

Of course, (almost) all software has bugs somewhere...

The first rule of software: the software which does not have bugs is not the true software.

Considering how coveted one of Knuth's certificates (formerly checks before he had to discontinue them because of fraudsters, sadly) for finding a bug in TeX is, TeX has to be pretty close to not being true software.

[Raphael]

Rain and wind and rain and wind and rain and wind... for several days now.

[Raphael]

Last night's high tide here - OK, strictly speaking this night's high tide, since the sun hasn't risen yet - was said to be about 2.5 meters above average high tide. Today's late morning high tide is predicted to be about 3 meters above average high tide.

Which makes me wonder, will it be even higher the next time around? I admit that I'm starting to get a bit worried.

Oh, and I think a few minutes ago, I heard distant sirens with the disaster alert signal.

[xxx]

water disasters are the worst avatars of global warming...
I've got an apotropaic litany in 3SDL for that...

[Travis B.]

Another day, another release! One of the downsides and upsides of having dedicated users is that they will find the bugs you missed in your code that you really ought to have found yourself in the first place.

[Raphael]

Last night's high tide here - OK, strictly speaking this night's high tide, since the sun hasn't risen yet - was said to be about 2.5 meters above average high tide. Today's late morning high tide is predicted to be about 3 meters above average high tide.

Which makes me wonder, will it be even higher the next time around? I admit that I'm starting to get a bit worried.

Oh, and I think a few minutes ago, I heard distant sirens with the disaster alert signal.

Now that the seawater situation has gotten somewhat less serious, there's too much freshwater - rain is leading to some (for now just some) flooding along the rivers.

[Raphael]

I'm currently working, mainly for my own amusement, without having to do it, on a brief chronological overview (in German) of Anglo-Irish relations throughout history. (Real-life history, not conworlding.) So far I've gotten to March 1921. I admit that I kind of dread the idea of completing it by going all the way to the present. But I don't really like the idea of leaving something I've started unfinished, either. Even if it's just a purely personal hobby kind of thing.

[Travis B.]

I'm currently working, mainly for my own amusement, without having to do it, on a brief chronological overview (in German) of Anglo-Irish relations throughout history. (Real-life history, not conworlding.) So far I've gotten to March 1921. I admit that I kind of dread the idea of completing it by going all the way to the present. But I don't really like the idea of leaving something I've started unfinished, either. Even if it's just a purely personal hobby kind of thing.

Oh dear. You must've realized this when you started, right?

[Raphael]

Oh dear. You must've realized this when you started, right?

Well, I got the first couple of centuries done quite quickly...

[Travis B.]

Oh dear. You must've realized this when you started, right?

Well, I got the first couple of centuries done quite quickly...

In no way does a chronological history of Anglo-Irish relations to the present sound like a small project to me...

[Raphael]

I've reached 1966. Now the decisions about what to include and what to leave out get really difficult.