The New ZBB Quote Thread

[Raphael]

And then, in Chapter 2, he draws the Olmecs into it! That alone is worth at least 500 millinylands!

[Arkasas]

My time searching in that book wasn't entirely lost, though! I learned that the Egyptian army kept precise records of how many Sea People penises they cut (two piles of respectively 12,868 and 12,535 after their first battle). (Our conworlds aren't weird enough)

[Raphael]

I just learned the local cheese shop does home delivery. I think we reached peak France.

[KathTheDragon]

Hey, linguoboy, can you make your posts shorter please? Being 35, I need to set my browser to 800% magnification, and all the extra scrolling hurts my twisted hand-claws.

[Qwynegold]

r/conlangs is where you go when you just make your first conlang: Unglish. It has several noun cases, and none of that inferior irregularity. Also it's spoken by sexy wolves.

[Raphael]

I've said this before, but I think it is one of the stupidest ironies of our current economic system that having robots produce infinite free resources would cause most of us to starve to death.

[Qwynegold]

Moose-tache did a hat trick.

Pabappa made a pun that's so bad it's funny:

New US Dietary Guidelines Include Babies and Toddlers for First Time

Finally. I've always wanted to try a dip based on kid-knee beans.

[Qwynegold]

“Apartmentmate” sounds quite awkward so speakers of US English don’t use it

my apartmentmates

GODDAMMIT.

[Raphael]

Ares Land talking about fascism and society:

Then the fascists complain that there aren't enough fascists around (freedom of speech) and everyone obliges them by adding extra fascist fascists on top of the existing fascists.
Social media essentially consists of a) cute animal pictures b) fascist trolls c) people debating fascist trolls d) fascist complaining of censorship because people are debating other fascist.
I may have overused a bit the word 'fascist' here, but I'd like to convey my own impression that public debates now resembles that Being John Malkovich dinner scene, with fascist Malkoviches.

[KathTheDragon]

tbh it still amazes me that some people live alongside deer, bears and such macrofauna. I once saw a skunk.

*looks up from polycule of 30-50 feral hogs*

[Moose-tache]

Turns out it's liberal countries that are revolting demanding a dictatorship, Uyghur death camps and the One Party way.

[Raphael]

(One of my favorite jokes: the Moon landing was staged by NASA and they did hire Stanley Kubrick to film it. But he was so obsessive they had to shoot on location.)

[Raphael]

This culminated in the tale of the Singularity (which, btw, failed to destroy civilization as we know it but did come pretty close to killing SF).

[Vijay]

I grew being told German was ugly because it was "harsh and guttural" and French was beautiful because it wasn't

[bradrn]

Eh, I’m sure we’ve all felt like this at some point…

Are those changes wholly or in part, a result of heavy ultimate stress?

If yes, a nice path.l for a Germanic language

idk, i just decided to turn it into rgyalrongic.

[Vijay]

The fact is, while we know Long sought to kill women and sex workers, we don't have clear proof yet that he targeted them because of their race.

He did say "I'm going to kill all Asians." so there is certainly a race element in there

[bradrn]

Stress is hard.

That's why it's called "stress"

[MacAnDàil]

I thought the following quote had good wordplay, especially the Turing-complete and GG Allin parts

I grew up in a place where Black Israelites were well within the Overton window, and currently live in a village with a hundred people and eight churches. I am a flaming sodomite with a Turing-complete gender. Have you heard the good news of our prophets Diogenes and GG Allin?

[Linguoboy]

There was a fun threading on Twitter a few months back trying to find alternatives to OK boomer. My favourite was Fort bien, l'ancien.

[Vijay]

Because I have stupid hobbies, I've spent way too much time over the past week or so reading up on the various Capitol rioter/insurrectionist cases, including reading a lot of affidavits. As I am now an expert in riots, protests, and insurrection, I provide the following useful tips gleaned from affidavits:

1. Do not commit crimes.
2. If you are going to commit crimes, do not post about it on social media. This includes Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Parler, Snapchat, Discord, Telegram, Clapper (no, I'd never heard of it before this either), or Tiktok.
2a. Even if you don't, make sure your wife doesn't either.
2b. Also don't text people about it. (this is a good one)
2c. And if you text people at least don't send them pictures or video.
2d. DEFINITELY do not call your probation officer and tell her you violated probation to go commit crimes, especially if you are wearing an ankle monitor.
2e. On the ankle monitor note, be sure to turn off your geolocation sharing app or leave your phone at home.
3. Make sure you have good relationships with everyone in your life prior to committing crimes. For example, make sure your ex-wife (to whom you were married for EIGHTEEN YEARS) does not hate you so much that she calls the FBI the hot second she finds out you were involved.
3a. Also avoid blowing up those relationships after you've committed crimes, for example by threatening to shoot your own son and daughters if they turn you in.
4. Make a vague attempt to disguise yourself, for example by wearing the cheap, easily-acquired facemasks that literally all of us own because we're in the middle of a pandemic.
4a. Especially do this if you have very visible face tattoos (not to be confused with another guy's distinctive facial tattoos) (or this guy's)
4b. Or very noticeable hand/finger tattoos.
4c. Covering your face is extra important if you are famous, such as the guitarist of a well-known metal band.
4d. It may also be helpful to avoid wearing a jacket with your name on it, and also giving a reporter an interview that includes your full name.
5. Avoid wearing extremely identifiable clothing, such as your high school varsity jacket when you're 26 (this is not crime advice, just life advice tbh) or your literal US Olympic team jacket.
5b. You should probably also change your shirt in the two days between the Capitol riot and getting on your flight home. (if you only read one affidavit, read this one; it's amazing)
6. Don't violate curfew and talk to cops while visibly holding something you stole from the Capitol, and then run from the cops.